Pretend || h.s

How it started

    

       "So, miss young, would you like to introduce yourself? Just so I can get a better sense of you?"
Dr. Kristen Lloyd says, directing her full attention to me. In this little, white, tacky room, all I can focus on is her heels- Her red bottom heels.
I must have zoned out, because she repeated herself in the same tone.

"I'm Meredith, I'm 23 and I live in New York City with my fiancé" I stop there. I feel cramped in this chair, and certainly uncomfortable with how involved she is.

"Okay. Now, take me back to when you saw a drastic change in your relationship" she jumped right into it- no more questions about my childhood or my career, she wants the problem, and only the problem.

* THREE YEARS AGO

I sat on the toilet, biting my nails and watching the timer on my phone intently. This is it. This could be what changes everything. Five minutes passed and I got up from my spot, anxiety rushing through my veins; filling every ounce of blood I have with the worry and excitement that comes with this.
I took the black cover off the stick, closing my eyes for a brief moment to take a deep breath. Preparing myself for what was on the other side of my closed eyes.

"||"

I stared at the stick. The realization hasn't made its way to my brain yet, but it has visited my sight, with how blurry my vision became. My mouth is locked tight, still unsure of how I should react given what has happened the last few months.
I call my boyfriend, in a low tone, still marveling at the two bright pink lines, that have changed my world forever.
When he makes it to the door, he knocks quietly, unsure of the reaction he's about to witness.

"You alright?" He opens the door ajar, peeking at me with worried eyes.
Wiping my eyes, I finally tear my eyes from the stick, they sting from lack of moisture.

"Positive" I whisper, focusing on his eyes

He smiles a wide closed smile, crouching next to me, his big hands on my knees he moves a few strains on hair out of my face.

"Positive" he repeats, more to himself than I.

Maybe this time it will be different, maybe this time my body will work with me, instead of against me. Maybe this time I can give him the one thing I know I have to.

I should have known it wouldn't be that easy, after all, the big brother of life is just getting started