Supernova

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Su-per-no-va! Su-per-no-va! Su-per-no-va!

We could hear the chants thundering through the stadium above us as we crouched in position, ready for our stage entries. My manager adjusted my battery pack and mic one last time as a stylist brushed a strand of my hair from my forehead. I exhaled slowly and focused on my shoes, trying to swallow my nervousness. Despite having done this hundreds of times, it never got easier for me. I heard a low whistle and looked over at Jii, who clenched his fist out at me, his way of calming me down. I nodded and kept exhaling as I heard the intro music start. My manager stepped off the platform and ten seconds later, we were all rising up to the stage, to a sea of moving lights - the fans waving their light sticks, purple this year. The screens behind us lit up and the crowd erupted into screams and applause, chanting our names as one by one we stepped forward.

Shin Ki-Ha!

Kiha with his signature faint smile on his usually serious face.

Kim Ji-Ho!

Jii looking calm and cool in his ripped jeans and loose shirt.

Ahn Hae-Sul!

Kao stepped forward, his shirt unbuttoned enough to show some skin and drive the girls wild.

Kim Jun-Hyeong! Kim Jun-Yeong!

Alex and Marcus, one with a black bandana and the other in blue, the only way to tell them apart.

Kang Tae-Jun!

Juni, smiling and posing for the girls, sending out hearts.

And then my turn. I took a breath.

Lee Jin-Hae!

I step forward.

I jerked awake. I could hear my breath, rough and shallow. I was sweating. I turned to look at the clock on my dresser. 3.47am.

I sat up in bed, ran my hand through my hair, trying to even out my breathing.

Same dream on and off for the past month or so. Guess we knew what was on my mind with my impending discharge from military service tomorrow. My subconscious wasn't being too subtle about it.

It had been two years. And tomorrow, I was returning. Returning to that life, returning to that world. Returning to those people.

The trouble wasn't that I was confused. Oh no, I wasn't confused. The trouble was that I knew exactly how I felt about this.

I gulped down some water and lay back in bed, kicking the covers off.

There was no point in dwelling on it. I'd just have to take it one day at a time. Starting with tomorrow - today - and my release.

***

"Jinhae!" I turned as I heard Minho's voice, in time to see him coming up to my bed.

"Hey, hyung." I bumped fists with him in greeting as he smiled and slapped me on my back.

"Discharge today, right? Are you all packed up?"

I gestured at my bed where the last of my belongings lay waiting for me to put them into the battered backpack that was in the corner.

"Almost then. Where are you headed to once you're out the gates? I expect your members will be there to pick you up?"

"Actually, I asked for a quiet discharge so there won't be anyone waiting."

He looked at me enquiringly.

"I'm not a big fan of fuss."

"Well, that's ironic, given that you're an idol." He chuckled.

"Believe me, I know." I smiled wryly at him as I began to stuff my belongings into the backpack again.

"So, I'll leave you to finish up, I just wanted to come by to wish you."

"Thanks, hyung. For everything." Our eyes met. He knew what I meant.

"I have your number. We'll do makkeoli together sometime." He winked at me.

"Thanks for the reminder, hyung." I shuddered, remembering what had happened that one time we had drunk too much soju together. Makkeoli was safer, not just for me, but for everyone and their shoes.

"Hey, it was a good night. And if you feel bad, remember you'll be paying from now on, you're going to be the billionaire idol again while I'm still a poor army officer." He grinned. "Anyway, get back to packing. I'll see you in the real world, Lee Jinhae!" He hugged me and was gone.

I finished packing and sat on my bed. I had a few minutes before I had to report to the discharge officer.

I hadn't told Minho the whole truth. The company had wanted the members to come out and collect me, with fans and the press present. I was the last member to be discharged, the others had finished up at various points over the past two months, so this would be the first time all seven of us were together in two years. Some of them had seen each other at various military events, true, but the nature of my posting, active duty, meant that I had been overseas most of the time and I hadn't met any of them for two years. I didn't want the reunion to be in front of the cameras, so I'd insisted the discharge office deny the request on the grounds of security. They agreed with me, I'm sure the idea of fans swarming the gates and the press corps parking themselves opposite the compound hadn't thrilled them.

Instead, I was sharing a taxi with a fellow dischargee out of the compound and back to Seoul. It felt a little like sneaking off; my manager had texted me to say he would be picking me up in the car and I had told him that the army was arranging my transportation. But I just wanted to savour my freedom for a little while, before getting caught up in the carnival.

"Lee Jinhae?" I looked up when my name was called. The discharge officer was at the door, gesturing at me to follow him. I heaved my backpack onto my back and went down into the office, signed a few papers, saluted my senior officers and thanked them. One of them walked with me to the driveway, where I could see the taxi waiting.

"No escort for you?" My senior officer asked, grinning at me.

"I have you, sir." I said solemnly. He laughed, clapped me on the back, waving at me as he walked away. I loaded my backpack into the car and got in next to my friend.

"Where to, guys?" the taxi driver asked.

Back, I thought. I'm going back.