The Raven God

I

There is much within and a battle sometimes forms between the I and the I.

I, the writer. Spending life behind my eyes, looking out and observing constantly. Giving random passersby lifetimes and voices and names and lovers. Ignorant of time and schedules and commitments, trapped within the pages of a thousand books.

I, the dreamer. Spending life among the clouds, and untouchable as I am warm. Wondering, wandering, truly lost and truly pleased. I spend my time following the what-ifs and the maybes and believing blindly in people. Ignorant of any sort of reality, trapped within my own infinite mind.

I, the intellectual. Spending life with crowded margins and a sore bottom, searching desperately for more answers. Marking pages and cross referencing sources and then doing it again. Ignorant of emotion other than fatigue and satisfaction, craving more knowledge, more meaning.

I, the lover. Spending life falling deeper and deeper in every single instant. Poetry within a drifting leaf, galaxies within the eyes of a stranger, ecstasy within the welcoming wetness of a giggling woman. No sense of stagnance, this heart of mine was made to roam. I have depths within and they are promised to all.

I, the madman. Spending life in shame, wishing for a return. A wrench in the machine, a crease in the sheets, a middle finger to those opposed. Destructive and powerful, chaotic and unstoppable. Laughter, pain and adrenaline rule my world and I will serve the greater good in their name. No sense of immorality but a twisted sense of duty and a foolish sacrifice. I will make ashes for you to rise from.

I, the yogi. Spending life in service to life, each being is an opportunity for rejuvenation. Each morning is a new life and each throbbing heartbeat is a new chance. All is quiet and all is chaos. I burn and I thank the flames. I fade into existence.

I know not what will come of myself but I fear not. I wear my hair up when I’m concentrating and I love the way the sun feels and I take my alcohol straight, my coffee with milk and my tea strong. I fill my lungs with green smoke and my mind with galaxies and smiles. I love trees and kittens and the feeling of wet grass between my bare toes. I play with my tongue and my musings and dice. I know no fear because I am strong and I am here and I am.