Meraki

ᏟᎻᎪᏢᎢᎬᎡ 22

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Ruined Memories
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"Stormy you can't stay in there forever." Sylvia yelled out from the other side of my bedroom door.

For the past few days I've been in my room and I've refused to go out anywhere else. But it's only because I feel like every time I end up leaving my room, something negative happens. My emotions can't handle shit like that so I'm just letting time go by.

"You're right. Not forever, but at least until I go back to campus!" I shout back.

She sighs. "Are you not bored, Princess?"

"See, the best thing about books is that, it takes me into so many different places I am unable to go to. Either that or it fills the many voids I have in life. It takes me to places I can never imagine. So no, to answer your question."

"Stormy can you at least let me in. Please?" There was a pause. It grew silent.

"Fine.." I got up to open the door, setting my book back on my bed with a bookmark placed on the page I left off at. I unlocked my room door and opened up my door, seeing Sylvia stand right before me.

"You know I prefer hello hugs and not death stares, my love.." She grasped her rag she held and played around with it nervously. I could see guilt fill her eyes.

Sylva was one of the few people I didn't want feeling guilty. She's done so much for me and she continues to care for me. She only had good intentions and I can't blame her for wanting to stitch up the broken pieces between my brother and I.

"I'm sorry Sylvia.." I walk slightly into the hallway and wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you honey.." She returns the hug and combs my hair gently with her fingers. "I know what I did was not okay... using promises to force you to sit in a room with someone you are not ready to forgive." She pauses and then continues, while speaking softly. "I hope you can find strength to possibly forgive my mistake, Princess."

I smile and nuzzle into her shoulder. There was no way I couldn't forgive her. She only does things that she thinks are best for me. I will never stop appreciating that.

"I forgive you, Sylvia. Although I did not enjoy that dinner... I know you only did it to show me that he isn't a bad person... I know he is my brother, but what he did still hurts me. But I do forgive you because you had good intentions... I will forever be grateful for that.."

I felt the deafening silence clear up. The tension filling the air now dissolved. Seconds later I found myself walking back into my room but I left the door open for Sylvia. She followed after me, a short pause after. 

"Does it not get lonely, Princess?" She looked around my room as if it were her first time walking into it. 

With my head spinning trying to think of the right responses. I finally answer. "Yes..and no."

I pause only for a second before I continue. "Yes because I often find myself wanting people to walk in my room, not because it is there job, but rather because they want to. No, because I've always been alone one way or another. I knew I could never lean on someone's shoulder and depend on someone fully, after Rivers left..." One again, I pause momentarily. "I guess... that whole depending on someone thing is something I never want to get used to again. Because at one point I closed you out and Rivers was all I had left. Some things are partially my fault but.. I guess I found comfort in the darkness, by myself, I guess... somehow."

Her eyes no longer lingered around the room, her eyes were now set on me. "Your mother loved you... she still does. Just know that she might still be trying to see you and Rivers."

I shook my head. Silence filled the room again and all you could hear was our heartbeats. "I don't want to believe that she is."

Sylvia looked confused now. But she walked closer and tilted her head, similar to what I do. "And why is that...?"

I now look up into her eyes, and I begin. "Because if she isn't, I'd be broken. And I believe I can only be broken into pieces to an extent until I lose it all..." I felt a hand on mine as she caressed the backside of my hand with her thumb. 

"I understand" She paused. "Would you like to be alone, Princess...?"

I nod "Yes please... You are dismissed. Thank you..."

With that demand, she bowed and she took her leave, closing the door slightly on her way out.

I appreciated her no doubt... but I won't dare lie to her about anything she wishes to know unless it is good reason that I hide it from her. So far there is nothing that should be hidden from her. I'd like for it to stay that way. 

The snow flakes stuck onto my window as some slowly slid down onto the windowsill. Inside my room there was a quiet eeriness I used to feel from time to time. With no second thoughts I decided to go to someplace I knew no one was in. The ballroom.

This room contained the most precious of memories that I was able to remember. I don't remember much but there are some things. Those memories are one of the only things I keep close to my heart. That and my mothers secret goodbye.

I started for the door and walked through the hallways, and the countless amount of stairs until I reached the first floor. The first floor contained the ballroom since when we had parties long before, it would be an easy way for guests to arrive and get there. Usually we'd have other staircases blocked off with guards and a velvet rope. 

I remember there was a time that a kid tried to sneak past to go upstairs. His curiosity got the best of him and he got into trouble. He was a preteen at the time, he was scolded for it later. The knights threatened to put the parents in jail for trespassing. My mom, however was kind enough to let the family go with only a warning. 

That's the thing. I never have any memories of my mother being negative. She always saw the best in people... in my dad. Maybe he worked so much and she wanted a break. Maybe there was something I didn't know happened, behind this double curtain they put up. Although we were one curtain away, compared to others who were stuck with a double. 

I eventually made my way to the door, I heard knights call out to me and some tried to follow me but they knew how angry I was able to get in the matter of seconds. I got closer. A guard tried pulling me away but I tugged my arm back, and pushed him away. He did nothing but stand there. I got closer, now my hand rested on the large handle.

"STORMY ROSELINE PAYNE!"

(A/N: R-oz-uh-Lin)

Oh... fuck....

I gulped and turned around, now seeing my father stand right before me. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" He shouted.

I felt my heart beat at a fast pace as I rubbed my arm. "I wanted to... possibly see my childhood again. I've done it before I don't understand why it's different now. Why is this my punishment this time but not before?" 

He glared deeply into my soul, every crevice and every corner felt terrified. "You mustn't question what I decide Stormy." He growled huskily. 

"But you know how much this means to me. Why take the thing that calms me down, away from me? It just puts you all in danger for 'the powers that are held within me' if I don't calm down."

He stood their silent. Then it hit me. Something is wrong with the ballroom. He tried to excuse it but nothing added up. 

Quickly I turned back around and I pulled open the giant doors, revealing the skeleton of the ballroom. Most was destroyed and in some parts it showed it was being fixed. In the middle of it all stood a fountain, the only thing that survived and was untouched by whatever or whoever did this insane amount of damage.

I was hurt, and devastated. 

I walked away after that. I didn't even bother to argue with this man. I knew what he was capable of and this was one of them. Destroying things out of anger...

This is the moment I no longer wanted to stay here. I kept my tears in as I walked back to my room, but broke down the second I stepped foot into my room.

I was alone, once again.