Escape? : The Diary Of A German Soldier {On Hold}

4

Heard my brother has been taken as a prisoner of war.
I thought he was dead already!
I remember a letter arriving home one day
My father had received it
Before I could get my hands on it
It was thrown into the fireplace.
Only he knows what was written in it.
New troops had arrived today.
One of the soldiers came up to me and hugged me.
I was shocked as to why did he do it?
Did he not care about his dignity?
Does he know that showing affection is not appreciated?
He said I looked like my brother and he was sorry he couldn't stop his arrest.
This news has hit me hard.
I don't know what to think.
Is he really alive?
Does he think of me? Of papa? Of mama?
How much has he been tortured?
I am trying not to think about it.
I can't think about him in the midst of a battle.
I can't be weak now.
I'm sure he's alright. I know he is alright.
He is the one that taught me what strength is.
I can't let him think I was weak.
I don't know how my father must have reacted to the news.
It must have broken his heart! 
All know that if you are a prisoner, there is no way you can get out. Alive.
Why am I fighting?
How many people might have died because of me?
I can hear the screams of all those who fell to my bullets.
I can only imagine their families crying and cursing my soul.
My heart feels so heavy thinking about all this.
Even if I get out alive, this will remain with me forever.
I miss being home.
I miss those meadows and those vast green fields that stretch beyond.
I can actually smell that fresh morning dew.
The cherry tree's branches that tapped my window,
Everytime a gentle breeze blew over the large farm I spent all my time in.
The sweet smell of bread my mama bakes every morning.
I miss those friends who were like brothers.
I might never be able to see them again.
It's funny how my life changed so much!

After all I'm just seventeen.