Realizing & Coming Out (A Story About Me)

Realizing & Coming Out

¨You're just a lesbo!¨ Those were the words that my own mother had spoken to me after one of the most awkward moments of my life... It all began in fifth grade. It had been a long day and I was happy to go home especially since I was going home with my two best friends at the time. Which i'm going to call E and M. As the day went on, we had fun. Soon the sun was setting and we were bored so I proposed an idea. One of which they agreed to. We were going to sleep outside on my trampoline. All lights were out not one to be seen, all except for a tiny flashlight with enough light to see an inch in front of u, and that was about it. We had talked and jumped, but then we got bored again, so we decided to play truth or dare. By the end of the night, I had kissed them both, E once and M twice.

A few years passed, and so had tons of thinking. I was now in seventh grade. It was close to 2 months in the school year. Just me and my friends (M, A, F, and MC) not even one of them new about my... sexuality. It was a horrible morning for me. I was tired, mad, and all around depressed. It hadn't been till 3rd period that my friend A had told M she was bisexual. None of the rest of us had know until we aggravated them enough to get told in whispers. Soon after, about two or three weeks, I had come to realize that I like girls and boys. I was happy to figure myself out so as soon as I got to school I had a talk with A. I had asked her to come out for me, saying I was bisexual, so I ran off seeking safety in the third stall of the girls sixth grade bathroom. I was overwhelmed with emotions as I stood there waiting for them to come say something, and just as I hoped, they did. The sound of what to me was a earthquake, was all my friends running to show me just how much they supported me . I opened the door slowly, almost being knocked to the ground as they tackled me, screaming in my ear. In the end half of us were in the floor including me. One by one we all ended up coming out. By eighth grade we had all come out as some sexuality or gender in the LGBTQ community, and just about everyone knew.

I'm now in eighth grade, now that just about everyone knew I was pansexual (as I later found out while doing more research) I had been taunted, teased, and just straight up bullied. People called me names such as lesbian, lesbo, gay, ect. All of which were rude, since they very well knew my pronouns, but sadly I was not the only one that experienced this... as far as I know there were over twelve LGBT students, some of which had and hadn't came out, but the ones that had were mocked just as bad, some even worse.

This is not what broke me. I had asked out a girl, A. she loved me and I knew it. As i grew to like her more and more we became closer and closer. It came to the point where I couldn't keep this secret ,this... life... changing secret, away from my family any longer. August, 30th 2018, I came out to my mom over text, after a long day at school I had gone home to find not a soul. As I entered the house I retrieved my phone to call her and see how long it would be till she was home. After finding out it wouldn't be till late I called M. I had told her how bad I wanted to tell my mom. After twenty minutes of arguing I finally did it. Our exact words in the text were, ¨Hey, you know how you asked me if I was gay?¨ I waited maybe 3 minutes to get the reply, ¨Yes, why!¨ so I simply said...¨Well, I'm Pansexual.¨ ...My mother, being the loving person she is, then asked, ¨What the hell is that?¨ with a, ¨Tell me now or I'm Googling it!¨, how thoughtful.

It wasn't till she got home that I got my real reaction from her, they (my mom, sister, and dad) got home around eleven p.m. All of them packing some sort of bag. My dad was outside at the time and my sister was on the couch while I was in the kitchen having a talk with my mom. All I had asked was, ¨Does dad know?¨ ¨Know what?¨ she replied, ¨About me... Being gay?¨ ¨Wait what!¨ she screamed as I looked at her with confusion, the moment grew silent, and so did my fear. She didn't believe me, she thought it was a joke, but of course it wasn't. Later that night after wanting to die because of what had happened, I decided to tell her that I was in a relationship with not only a girl, but a girl that my whole family disliked. My mom didn't like that at all. She really didn't care either. Her main worry was why I keep this secret and why I let my girlfriend (A) stay the night with me days before. That night things got worse.

My Nana had never liked the thought of me dating a girl, she would always threaten me with a ¨I'll disown you¨ or ¨I'll come and drag you out of that house.¨ as she would say. That's why I wanted to keep this secret, other wise I would have had no problem with telling people... She ended up finding out, about 2 hours after I had talked to my mom. She called,texted,and all around aggravated me to death till I answered her, but all i said was ¨no¨ and ¨bye.¨ It was Friday evening and she had texted me again...my birthday was tomorrow (September 1st), and she wanted me to come to her house, I declined.

Not even a week later I was forced to go to her house. I didn't like it one bit... I had got in the car and said nothing, but she started a conversation, one that I dreaded hearing. It was about me coming out. She didn't know much other than the fact that I was dating A ,someone she didn't like to much at all, and that I was going to hell in her opinion. She screamed, cried, ect. And all I had to say was ¨grow up¨ and ¨stop being so immature.¨ Both of which she didn't like at all. Yes I understood that it was rude of me to speak to her like this but i had, had it with her trying to control my life. Ever since I was born she acted as if she owned me, I wasn't aloud to go to my friends houses, not allowed to go places in general, no getting anything pierced other than my ears, just small things like that. Anyway, she continued her temper tantrum , as I just sat there , but then she dragged my girlfriend into the argument, she said ¨You shouldn't let your friends do things like this to you!¨ and then ¨This is all that whores fault!¨ I didn't take kindly to that at all, I told her in a calm, but sarcastic like voice ¨this is not her fault, I have liked girls for a while now, and I have had girlfriends before her.¨ then I shifted to a overly dramatic tone, ¨you need to just grow up and accept things as they are, and you need to leave A out of this!¨ Once again she started to cry, I wanted to jump out of the car so bad, but she looked at me tears in her eyes and said, ¨Why did u have to tear our family's hearts apart?¨ that's when I really had it with her. We didn't talk the rest of the day.

This whole thing that started in fifth grade, is why I'm happier but also more depressed. I love my girlfriend, but with most of my family putting me down, It's made it hard for me. Things always get better right? At least that's what people say, but until things do get better I guess this is my life... ¨Your just a lesbo!¨ ...But I can handle it for now.