Over the past three years, I'd been struggling to figure out my life. Not only what to do; but who to be. It's something I've struggled with since I was in middle school. I was the kid who never talked to anyone for about seven years and that really had the most negative impact on me. I know what it's like to actually be alone and have no friends. Though I am often times than not fine with it; I do feel the depression. Since that dark time in my life, I've changed a little. I started reaching out to people; many people. Many whom would not respond nor give the same effort back. Rejection is so fucked up; no one deserves to feel that. Though I'm learning like in many other situations; you shouldn't take it personally. Rejection can be hard on its own, though it's a million times worse when you don't even have yourself. If you put yourself out there you have to be alright with the idea of being rejected. It's alright to be rejected, but it's not alright to have that shut you down. I always thought, if Beyoncé or Justin Bieber ever feel rejected or something terrible happens to them; they'll still always have themselves. And I guess I mean their confidence, specifically in their appearance. For the longest time I've been trying to write a story called "the lovely duckling" about how living her entire life believing she was ugly had an impact on her even after others realizing her beauty. How she would feel after going from one to the other. I never finished as I'm still trying to figure out that story myself. Everyone hurts, and no pain is invalid. Comparing is the worst thing you could do to yourself; and I would know. Growing up I had the worst trouble finding myself. I would be lying if I didn't say miss Lady Gaga didn't help me to find my muse at most. Finding music was a huge step in finding myself.
I discovered Lady Gaga Christmas of 2009 after hearing my step-sister play Just Dance as we were decorating the tree. Random song to play, but I was obsessed instantly. For some reason I was so invested in finding out more about this song, this person, anything and everything I could know more about. -and that's true love folks lmao. So I rushed to my laptop to find The Fame, and it was then where it all began. I was obsessed with the fact that she wrote her own music. That alone made me want to write some of my own. So I did. I could never finish them though as I still have that problem now. As I write this intro, half the songs on this aren't finished yet. Lady Gaga was and still is everything to me. My first twitter account was "monsterlg" I had a few thousand followers I felt so famous lolll. I was too obsessed, though over time it died down a little. I'll always support her in everything she does because of all she's done to help me and so many others. I would buy her albums over and over again not for me but because I knew the money was going to her lmaoo. She's an incredible person, performer, and artist and I'll always be here for her as she was there for me. I cannot wait to see A Star Is Born; I can't stop listening to the soundtrack. "I'll Never Love Again" are you kiddingggg. One of the most beautiful pieces of work. I was so disappointed to find out she didn't write it but she still sang it so beautifully. The ending in the extended version is so incredible with the violins ughhf. I actually cried after "won't even let the sunlight in" hit so hard so close to home lol. Anyway, this is too long of an introduction. Lady Gaga will always be my first real obsession/idol whom I am forever grateful for. She helped me in a dark time, which is why someday I can only dream of doing the same for someone else. So, I dedicate this my last PST for a while to none other than the sensational, Miss Lady Gaga.
