Shiro's gone //sheith

part one

Shiro's gone.

There's a cruel irony to that. In the sand, Keith was able to sense the Blue lion calling to him and honed intuitively on its unfamiliar energy. In the stars, Keith cannot feel Shiro- still he searches. He searches irrationally at first, his mind too clouded to focus right. Keith searches methodically after he allows himself time to think- he and red sift through the debris of their last battle over and over again.

Unlike Kerbos, Keith has more information, more leads to help him figure out where Shiro has gone. Somehow, this makes everything worse. Shiro has disappeared again and again, Keith is unable to face it. When it matters most Keith cannot keep his word, he cannot save Shiro. Keith hurts.

It's been months and Keith's search still goes on. He's been through there star systems already- meticulously working his way through the debris until it's burned into his memory. When he closes his eyes, Keith can see every individual piece of rubble, he still finds himself searching through it. He wonders constantly if he's missed something because when he closes his eyes, he still sees the debris that tore Shiro from the black lion. It's the same debris that tears through Keith.

Even in this he still finds nothing.

It's not okay. There's this yearning inside of him, it burns bright inside of him, to know. He can't, he won't, let it go. He has to know what happened to Shiro- he needs tangible proof, only then will he, possibly, let Shiro go. So Keith keeps searching and searching, a process that is no where near cathartic. The lack of results alarming.

Pidge approached him in the hanger after another failed attempt once. He'd tore off his hemlet, gasping for air. Failing Shiro was suffocating, heart wrenching. After, he had waited by the red lion- expecting lecture, but Pidge had said nothing. Quietly, Keith wondered who sent her- maybe Allura. When their eyes had finally met Keith had seen it. It was right there, underneath the many layers of emotions, but it was there. Pity, for him, for the silent suffering nobody could understand. They were only a few feet away from each other and yet there was millions of miles spanning between them.

( And yet, it's still nothing compared to  the space the universe has put between him and Shiro. )

He wondered if maybe she understood, how it felt to lose Shiro. After all, Pidge had lost father and her brother. Shiro was the last connection to them- and he was gone. The difference was she knew when to stop, Keith however, could not abandon his sedulous efforts to find Shiro.

"You've been been very dedicated to your search." She finally spoke just as Keith took two steps foward. He could hear the question within her sentence even if she didn't.  'How long? How long are you going to do this to yourself?' It brought Keith to a stand still- fist clenched at his side. Keith's answer had been a simple nod, he couldn't bring himself to speak. There was a chance that if he did, the tornado forming inside of him would force it's way out of him- tearing it's way through not just him but everyone and everything. Without looking back Keith retreated back to his room, 'however long it takes' screaming in his heart.

Keith has lost Shiro before to the universe- he has had Shiro torn from his life once. Was that not enough? This time he's defiant, standing in front of a target- a cross bow leveled at his chest by the universe itself, daring it to shoot. The universe doesn't, but he still feels the impact of the arrow in his chest.

The other paladins grow worried about him. ( or about Voltron, which it really Is Keith isn't sure. ) they mean well, but they don't understand- Keith isn't sure they ever will. He cannot cease searching, even if it has become pointless now, he needs closure. There's something that doesn't make sense with Shiro's disappearing act, ( Lance called it that once ) something Keith cannot seem to put his finger on.

He goes and sits in the black lion one day. His presence wakes her.