Shiro's gone //sheith

part two

He can't help but vomit, heeving onto the pristine floor of the mechanical lion. He knows this means something he is not ready to face. If Shiro was still here- if there was any chance of the Orignial black paladin returning, the black lion would have remained dormat until he did.  It's this ugly truth that has Keith doubled over emptying the contents of his stomach. There's a hand wrapped around his throat intent on strangling him, forcing him to gasp for air. That's how it feels.

Keith cannot fill Shiro's shoes.

He is not the only one who knows this, the other paladins do too. The reaction to the black lion moving again and awaking from her long slumber is just as he expected. Allura and Coran are relieved. Now, they can move on with the mission to eradicate the race that caused the destruction of their planet. Hunk is confused- if Keith is piloting the black lion now who pilots red? Lance is furious, it's written across his features in ink. Keith knows if there was any chance that any of the paladins could fly the black lion Lance wanted it.

When they congratulate him, it's too forced- all tight smiles and over the top cheers.

( Pidge is the only one who doesn't say anything. )

Keith knows she sees through him. Pidge has always been able to see right through his bullshit to the gentle heart that rests inside of a heavily guarded cage. It takes him back to that night in the red lions hanger- he feels as he's going to get lecture once more. Just like in the Red lions hanger she only speaks when Keith has moved to leave the room.

"You don't want to pilot back." Pidge hadn't asked him, it was a statement. She's always been one to particularize everything- even the littlest things. It terrfied him how quick she had come to the conclusion without needing to search through the wreckage that was Keith's emotions. It was a simple sentence not meant to cut through him the way it did.

"Would you?" Keith was quick to retort, his mouth reckless as ever, "if it was your father or if it was your brother?  would you jump at the chance to take over something they worked so hard at?" The tornado inside of Paladin twisted violently, forcing itself out of him. Keith has already been destroyed by the massive swirl of winds and Pidge was the neighboring town unaware of the danger approaching. "You were ready to leave Voltron over to find your family- to find the people that made you happy." None of what Keith was saying could compare to the final blow he delivers.

"At least if Shiro died, I was there by his side." The red paladin hisses. In that moment when their eyes meet once again - Galaxies unfolded between them, forcing them apart. There was a sick and twisted part of him that enjoys watching his fellow paladin curl in on herself and her eyes fill to the brim with tears. Keith tells himself what she felt was nothing compared to the gaping wound in his chest that left behind when he lost Shiro.

He could not bring himself to look at her again and instead turning on his heels walking away from the only one who had remotely understood his sadness.

( 'I'm sorry' echoes in his footsteps. )