Kung Hindi Man Maari

"Kailan mo ba balak sabihin ang nararamdaman mo?" Julian said to his sibling. Goyo looks like he's really suffering. Looks really sick and weak. He coughs ones again. Petal. Another petal has come out. His sibling looks at him worriedly. "Malay mo gusto ka din pala niya." He suggested and Goyo just faintly smiled at his brother and hold his arms. "Kuya, mahal niya si Joven. Imposible." He said as he closes his eyes feeling that another petal might come out again. He can't breath and he knows that the flowers are growing in his lungs. It's growing. But what can he do?

"Uy, Julian! Asan si Goyo?" He tries to regain his composure and hopes that he looks okay. He knows who's voice it is of course. He heard his brother said that he's upstairs and he should just go there. Goyo acted normally and waited for Vicente to come upstairs. The footsteps got louder and louder until the man that is the reason why he has the flower in his lungs showed up in front of his door. He smiled at him. Of fucking course he'll fucking smile at him. And he returned it. He smiled back. Of fucking course who is he to not smile at him.

There's a hint of worry in Vicente's eyes as he sit in the bed as he caresses Gregorio's hair. "Anong nangyari sayo? Nabalitaan ko na lang kay Julian na di ka pumasok. May sakit ka daw?" He just let out a laugh as he hears how worried he is at his state. "Ayos lang ako, Enteng. Wag ka masyado mag alala. Uno lang 'to." He said and as if on cue he coughed. Vicente smoother his back and Gregorio immediately hid the petal. Crumbling it in his fist as he smiled at Enteng once again.

Stared at his face trying to study each and every feature on his face. He shakily reached Vicente's cheeks as he cups it in his hand. He stares in his deep brown eyes that he wishes he's the one he's looking at, his nose that he envies, he even joked that he want Vicente's nose, his lips the he'll never got the chance to kiss, his cheeks that he love to pinch, his hands that holds his lover's hand. One last stare. He said to himself. He tries to remember each bits of Vicente. Vicente whom he love the most but can't be with him because he is in another man's warmth.

He's gonna die soon. He can feel it. His family suggested that maybe he should go under surgery and remove that flower that was blossoming in him. But he didn't want to. He doesn't want to forget his love for Vicente. Even though they begged but he never agreed. He rather die than to forgot the love that he had since the very beginning.

"Sige, Goyo mauuna na ako." Vicente said as he stood up. "Magkikita pa kami ni Joven eh." Ouch. Like a sharp knife it dugs at him deep. It hurts. But he smiled and nodded. He understands. Vicente loves Joven. He knows it. He can see it in Enteng's eyes. "Magpagaling ka, ha?" And he disappeared. Goyo let out a deep sigh that followed another cough. He shuts his vision and drifts to rest.

Vicente,

Alam kong di mo ito mababasa. Hindi mo to pwede mabasa. Pero itong liham na ito'y para sayo kung saan ipapahayag ko ang aking pag ibig. Di ko man masabi sa personal ang lahat ng ito pero sana sa sulat na ito ay masabi ko. Hindi maari ang aking nais na maging tayo dahil ikaw ay may iniirog. Pero Enteng ikaw ay aking iniibig. Iniibig ng lubos na aabot sa puntong di ako papayag na ipatanggal ang bulaklak na tumutubo sa aking katawan para lang di makalimutan na minsa'y inibig kita ng wakas. Enteng mahal kita. Salamat at paalam.

Sumasaiyo,
Gregorio.

Vicente clutched the letter tight in his hands. Crying as he looks at the tomb of his beloved Gregorio. "Kung sinabi mo lang sana saakin ng maaga."