hard love ✰ l.h. | ON HOLD

seven.

She was bent over his desk. 

I shot a questionable glare towards Emily's position. She was leaning over Luke's desk as I walked by his desk. Interns helping interns, nothing new. My hands were full with coffee and packets of paper. I held my phone close to my ear, listening in on a conference call that I was barely apart of. 

I entered my office fifteen minutes late. I was a creature of habit, as we all are. I was always punctual. Something sat in me this morning that really released that care of me being here the moment as the hand struck nine. I went out of my way to get coffee and donuts and took the long way to work. Maybe I was in need of a lapse in my schedule. Something new. Something that made me uncomfortable and pushed me outside of my box.

My eyes didn't leave Luke and Emily. I watched intently as his hands locked behind his head while he leaned back into his chair. I could see his chiseled profile perfectly now. My ears perked up as the sound of her muffled laugh. Luke was smiling right back at her. 

I picked up my office phone, dialing the code to Luke's phone. 

My mind drifted back to Saturday morning. Laughing over pancakes and hot tea with Luke. We sat outside the Picnic cafe for two hours. He complimented my long hair and I complimented his eyes. I could still feel his fingers running over my legs on the ride back to my house. 

Luke glanced over at me through the glass, picking up his phone. Emily was oblivious. "Good morning." He lowly answered, turning around in his chair to face me directly. 

"Busy morning?" I asked, sipping my coffee. I was unsure if I was feeling jealously or not. Perhaps, envy? She had the beautiful blonde hair I yearned for and legs for days. Freckles were painted over her whole body, especially her face.

"Yes, Mabel." Luke calmly replied. He looked over at Emily, then back at me. "We're working on something for Celine."

"Great." I quickly responded. "Let me know when you're done. I have something for you," I lied. I didn't think it was considered normal to call him up for no reason, at least not yet.

Luke smiled, his teeth showing as opposed to the usual. "Will do." He hung up and turned his back to me. Emily leaned in closer and was pointing to something on his computer screen that I couldn't see. 

I huffed and swiveled around in my chair. I stared at the window, watching the cars pass by. With every black Toyota that passed I thought about Michael. He had driven the same car for years. I had only seen his car pass by once in the near year we had been separated. 

I didn't want to think about him anymore. My heart ached only once in a blue moon over him, but a few things still did remind me of him. I tugged at the silver Tiffany necklace around my neck out of my anxiety ridden thoughts. Michael purchased it for me for my birthday two years ago. It was too expensive to trash, so I wore it everyday. 

I unclasped the necklace and let it sit in my palm. It desperately needed cleaning. So instead, I opened my top left drawer in my desk and let it hide in the dark. Just like my past memories with Michael.

-

My elbow supported my hand that was nervously toying with my bottom lip. I was forty-five minutes into overtime and not a penny was worth it today.

I was working diligently on spread sheets, power points, and expense charts. Luke was standing behind my chair working smoothly with me, pointing out certain things on my desktop screen. Our thoughts were in tune and we were on the same page with the tasks at hand. The company had a massive business opportunity coming up and I was preparing for meetings and phone calls and Luke was helping me tweak the details. He had an amazing eye for detail.

Luke sighed, standing up straight and placed his hands on my shoulders. I sat up straight to give into the grip he had on me to relieve my tension. 

"You're a smart woman, Mabel Browning." Luke gripped right where my shoulders met my neck. A single finger ran behind the back of my neck. "Where's your necklace?" His question was evocative. Haunting. Even in a place so familiar.

My heart skipped a beat. "It was just bothering me," I replied. I focused in on our reflection in the glass ahead of us. Luke spun me around, now I saw the real him and not a mirrored man.

He stayed silent. He thought about my necklace, I thought about the empty memories it held. I wondered where Michael was, even in the presence of Luke.

"You know," he began. "I do really like your hair. You're like a brunette Rapunzel."

The only thing I had in common with Rapunzel was a bitter mother and long hair. I was not a hopeless romantic or the personification of the phrase "ignorance is bliss". I didn't need to be swept off my feet, or in Rapunzel's most recent case, a man to guide me to my throne I was rightfully entitled to.

So when I arrived home after cracked knuckles and a pen stained blouse, I searched for the sharpest scissors in my possession. I snipped off six inches, then six more. I didn't take a deep breath or search for a photo to match. My loose curls now sat right at my collar bone, right in the perimeter of my heart shaped Tiffany necklace. 

I laid down in my bed that night with hidden old ends that felt like pieces of wicker in my shirt. Tomorrow morning, the sun will rise, and I will want to fight it. I will want to release my body of every anxiety ridden bone, even if it may leave me as a pile of flesh. My hair will still be short and I will still reach for my silver chain in the morning. 

-

A/N: 

i'm sorry this is so short!!!! filler, plus i wanted to get in touch with mabel's ~emotions~

thank you if you're reading, i love u SO MUCH