LOTTIE CH 1

it's almost exam time for me so this is my way of taking a break :)) i hope you enjoy it and leave a comment with your thoughts. i am open to criticisms :)

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Sometimes I wonder how we define people. Is it by the way they look, or their method of speaking? Is it another thing though, something we cannot see? Is it their memories, I wonder, that carves them into the person you see standing there, nonchalantly checking through their newsfeed on the train. They could be anyone really, A singer, a writer, a doctor, an engineer, or unemployed. There is no way of knowing. I did know that they were a guy though. He is sitting a few rows down from me, a woolly hat on. I can’t tell if he’s tall or not because he’s sitting. I wonder is his height makes any difference to who he is. Maybe his height helped him be shaped into who he is today.

Suddenly, chocolate brown eyes look up to meet mine.

Hastily, I look away. I didn’t realize I had been staring. I feel the heat rush up to my cheeks in embarrassment. He probably thinks I’m some sort of freak on the train. There are plenty of other people to be staring at as well. He’s probably wondering why I chose him out of everyone else.

I am wondering that as well.

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A few stops later and it’s my turn to get off. I still feel slightly embarrassed getting off because the chocolate brown eyed boy is sitting on the seat beside the exit. I quickly jump off, trying to be an inconspicuous as possible. I get the feeling that he’s looking at me, but I can’t look back, because that might end up in some sort of conversation. I can’t converse with someone while getting off the train. I don’t want to turn back and smile either. Who smiles at people who stare at them anyway?

I decide I need to have a cup of hot chocolate.

The train slowly begins to pick up speed as I was briskly away, my long boots tapping on cement. The wiry curly hair is wrapping around my face—the wind here is strong. I try tucking it back behind my ear, wishing I had the sense to bring a woolly hat as well.

I order the hot chocolate while trying not to make eye contact with the person behind the counter. I cannot even begin to explain how socially awkward I have gotten over the past few months. It probably has something to do with that philosophy course I’m doing. I’m overthinking things, I’m sure of it.

Sitting down mournfully, I rub my hands together, trying to get some warmth in them. It had snowed last night. When I woke up this morning and looked outside, everything was white, pure. There were a few footprints on the snow, leaving a path. It made everything seem so pure and clean. But now what’s left of the snow is just grey mush. People can’t keep anything clean.

“Hey is this seat taken?” a voice asks from above.

Suddenly, I look up, startled. Standing there in front of me is the boy from the train. From a close up, I see that his eyes are soft and kind. And he is very tall, probably more than six feet, making me feel like even more of a midget.

I shake my head quickly, without letting out a squeak. I don’t want to make unnecessary awkward conversations with this person.

“Cool”, he says. I expect him to take my chair, but just as it occurs to me that there are plenty of empty chairs around me, he sits down. My heart starts beating faster, I was not expecting this. I regret not taking my book out of my bag to look busy.

We are both silent for a few moments and I can feel the awkwardness growing. The tension inside me is building but I cannot be the first person to break the silence here. That would be admitting defeat.