Counting Stars • [Casey x Izzie]

Counting Stars

Casey

When I couldn't sleep at night I used to count the stars. I would open my window and climb into a nook on the roof over the first floor. I set up some pillows in the corner between where my room ended and Sam's extended out. That's the side of the house that faces the rest of the neighbourhood, but it didn't matter because everyone else was asleep, the world was off and I was alone. During that time the only noise comes from my mind and when that happens, I count the stars.

I held Izzie's hand today. That's why I'm up here.

But there's nothing that the stars can tell me that explains what I'm feeling. The stars can't tell me why I smile every time I see her smile, why when she cries I want to rip out a part of me to fix her, or why her name is written on the wings of the butterflies in my stomach.

It just doesn't make sense, you know? Last week I wanted nothing to do with her and now... now I was silently wishing that she would walk through my window with her own pillows and join me under the covers so I could count the colours in her eyes instead.

I didn't know what this meant for Evan and I but what I do know is that I ended his call and I haven't messaged him back since.

Honestly, I didn't want to talk to him right now. What would I even tell him? Hey, sorry I ended your call, I was busy holding my best friend's hand in total silence for five minutes straight. And those five minutes might be the only thing that was straight in this situation.

I covered my face with a pillow and as I was about to scream into it, my phone went off.

I pulled it out of my jacket pocket and read the text.

My heart stopped when I read Izzie's name.

At this point I didn't know if the sudden breathlessness was from shock or nerves. I actually think I forgot how to type. That was until I received another message.

I just didn't know what to say, or what she would say. Did I even want to know? Nonetheless I forced myself to reply.