Counting Stars • [Casey x Izzie]

Past The Point of Anger

Izzie

I packed my training gear into my car, getting ready to leave school as the sun had just set enough for it to darken the parking lot.

I don't know why I had this sudden rush of wind graze my neck even though it wasn't that windy.  But goosebumps rose on my skin as my gut told me to leave, leave, leave. 

I carefully shut the boot and calmly walked to the drivers side without glancing back. 

Then there was a hand on my shoulder. 

I jumped at the contact and spun so fast I got whiplash. 

I wanted to take a swing but as soon as I saw his face I just wanted to kill him. He held up his hands like he had any shred of innocence inside of him. 

"Woah. It's just me."

I shook my head. "Fuck off, Nate."

I went to grab the door handle but his impatient hands caught my wrists. "Izzie, just listen to me."

I yanked my hand from his grip and attempted not to punch him. Just the thought of him touching me made me want to crawl out of my skin. His touch wasn't like hers... "I'm done listening to you. I'm done seeing you. I'm done with you. I don't want to hear another word from you ever again because the last time you wanted me to listen to you, you outed me to my mom and ended my relationship."

"Oh come on, Iz. I was just telling you what your girlfriend wouldn't tell you. And what's a relationship without honesty?"

"That wasn't your place and don't you dare tell me what a relationship should or shouldn't be." I took a step forward to let him know I wasn't messing around.

"I was trying to help you and this is what I get." He shook his head, and by the way he gritted his teeth I could tell he was becoming increasingly angry. "I wanted to show you that she's a hypocrite. She's not good for you, Izzie. I am!" 

His violent hands flew to my upper arms and squeezed so tight I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I couldn't move. The only things that were functioning was my overworking heart and lungs, pumping and breathing faster as my anxiety grew. 

Then all of a sudden, Nate was being spun around. The next thing I saw was a milk skin fist flying to Nate's face, sending him to the ground. 

I stared down at a disoriented Clayton asshole on the concrete bleeding from his nose. His hands flew to touch the moisture on his face and find justice in the form of red dripping from his fingers. 

He spat blood onto the ground as he stood up, the fury in his eyes matched the color very well as he directed his glare at me. However, a tall figure jumped between him and I, creating a protective barrier for me. 

That's when I realized it was Evan. 

"Go home." He demanded at Nate. 

Nate was on his feet now, grinning. "Pizza boy. How are you?"

"Leave her alone, Nate. Go home while you're only bleeding from one place." 

I had no idea what the hell was going on; how we got here, with my ex boyfriend coming to threaten me, then my ex girlfriend's ex boyfriend comes to my rescue after he threatened me and my ex girlfriend. 

What the actual fuck?

"Whatever." Nate strangely conceded. 

After he left Evan turned around. "Are you okay?"

One of my hands crossed over to the upper arm in the most pain. "Y-yeah... thanks."

Neither of us said anything for a while. We just kind of stood there listening to the rustling of trees and the occasional passing of cars. He had a hand in his way-too-baggy jeans like he aways does and just stared the floor until he finally spoke. 

"I'm sorry."

I eventually had the courage to look him in the eye as he continued. I didn't know where all of this was coming from but I'm also not sure whether I was speechless at his attempt to apologize or if I was still shook from what Nate had just done. 

"For everything. What I said to you... both of you, it wasn't right. And I was just mad and confused and I-" His voice cracked, and his head was shaking slightly as he struggled to get the words out. It was as if being vulnerable was hauntingly painful for him, but being vulnerable to me was even worse. 

"I just... I didn't want her to leave like my dad did." He was so choked up now that there were visible glistening lines under his eyes. 

I saw a moment, the moment that comes inevitably when all of the little things that bother you build and build until it overflows past the point of anger and becomes... sad. 

Evan was at that point. A point that I had been living at for most of my life and eventually I got comfortable there. But Evan seemed new to the feeling of reaching the edge of the cliff without having the courage to free himself. 

So... I did what I wish someone had done for me the many times I was there. 

I held him while he let it all out. 

He was bent over with his hands tightly gripping the back of my shirt as he soaked my shoulder. He was a quiet crier. He softly sobbed and occasionally breathed when I reminded him to. I held the back of his head with one hand to keep him from buckling under the weight of his mind like I had so many times. 

When he was done, he stood back and stared at me with bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks until he found the words to say. 

"I want her to be happy." His voice was horse but the message was even more rigid. "And she's happy with you."

I wasn't sure what to tell him. Casey and I weren't together and I didn't know if he knew that or not. But just the words he was saying makes me feel as if Casey and I were never really separated in the first place. That I was a fool for thinking that I could ever detach myself from her... from us.

God, Izzie, you're such an idiot. 

I wanted so badly to convince myself that I had shut my heart down to prevent her from getting back in, when this whole time she was locked inside it while I took my own soul out and tortured it. 

And I can't believe it took one asshole ex boyfriend, and a light in the form of an apologetic one for me to realize that. 

"Just promise me one thing..." Evan swallowed. 

"What?" It was the first words I had been able to say to him; the only words that made sense to say to him. 

"Love her the way I wish I could."

**

A.N

OH MY GOD. SEASON 3. CAZZIE. THE ANGST. THE DRAMA. THE STORY TELLING. THE ACCURACY. HOOOOOH. GROUNDBREAKIIIIING. 

Literally no other ship is doing it like Cazzie. It's just facts. 

What did you guys think of season 3?

LET'S GET TO WORKING ON A RENEWAL! TREND THAT SHIT EVERYWHERE. 

If you haven't seen season 3 on Netflix then you've probably seen it on Twitter haha. I muted my phone from any contact to the outside world until I finished it.

And now I'm hella sad I watched it all in one day without knowing if there will be more. I do this to myself every time. 

Anyways, this was probably one of my favorite chapters to write in this story. Two people on opposite sides coming together because they have a lot more in common than they think. It was hurtful and emotional in both a good and bad way, and I've always wanted to write a scene like this between Evan and Izzie. I hope we get one in the show if we get renewed.

DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW, VOTE AND COMMENT. See you in the next one - it's almost oveeer :(

Ily xoxo