The Earpiest Essay Of Them All

Yellow

(A/N: Okay, this isn't an Earpy essay, but I'm proud of it. I wrote it about my illness and the attitude that I try to keep in spite of everything. I think that this book is just going to be a place where I put all of my essays regardless of whether or not they're Earpy.)

(Also, yes I used "Yellow" as the title. . . I just like and relate to the color, it's the color of the sun, it isn't plagiarism.)

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I have spent most of my life thinking of new ways to force myself into positivity. Things are different for me than how they are for most people. I am more fragile, easier to break. I know why, it is because I keep my hopes high. Even when I am dark and broken down, I try to remain as bright as I can. It does not always work, even completely sane people cannot be positive all the time, but I let the darkness swallow me once and I refuse to let it happen again. The sun is light, the sun is hope, and the sun is yellow. I try to be the sun. I try to be the reason that somebody, somewhere, believes that good people exist.

Like I said, things are different for me than with most people. I started to get sick in fifth grade, but the illness did not fully onset until I was 14. It can be hard to have hope when there are so many voices in my head telling me that I will never be enough. I do not hear them anymore, except occasionally, but it is only a whisper. I have not the shadows in almost a year. The sun gets rid of the shadows, so I try to be like the sun in order to keep them away. I think it works.

I know that I went through a lot when I was younger, I know that I still go through a lot, but the sun never goes back in time, so I won't either. The sun rises and sets, but it never stops shining. When the world goes dark at night, the sun is still there, it is only hidden. I hide sometimes too. I hide from the things I went through, I hide from the shadows, and I hide from the things that I am going through right now, but I do not go away. The sun never moves from its position either. So, when the sun hides, it can do it without changing anything. That is me too. When I hide, I do not move. I simply let everyone else do their own things and do not interfere.

When I was going to St. Aloysius, I could go days, even weeks, without talking. I did not need words to communicate. The sun does not need words. The sun can still be the sun without having to talk. It would be a little bit silly if the sun started talking, maybe even scary. So, why am I expected to talk even though talking has never been the only way to communicate? I like to let my emotions be strong enough that people can feel them without my words, because my emotions often reach a point beyond what any language can describe.

The sun is a good thing. It is hope, light, silent, still, brave, and it is yellow. If I am physically and mentally capable of it, I model my actions after the sun. I am sick, there is no denying that, but that has never defined who I am as a person. I am hopeful, light, silent, still, and brave. I am a good thing. I know that I am not the sun, but I am close to it. The sun is yellow. Yellow is hope, light, joy, brave, and good. I am not the sun, but I am yellow.