Relax, Take It Easy

confession session

Andrew's breath hitched, he stood there holding it in — making his chest ache, whilst looking down at his Nike shoes. There it was, that was it, the entire time. That's all it had ever been.

He'd been trying to avoid facing his love for Garrett Watts.

"Thank fuck. I was afraid I'd have to quit the squad."

Shane laughed then, it was brightening and loud. It was joyous. It made Andrew feel better. Shane was audibly happy for the two of them (Andrew almost wished he could see his face too but he couldn't risk turning around now, his cheeks were wet), he'd sewn back the rip in their blanket.

The night carried on, Shane entered the house casually as if he and Andrew hadn't just had a heated discussion outside subtly revolving around whether or not Andrew returned Garrett's feelings. And Andrew decided it was about time he and Garrett let the cat out of the bag.

They both made their way into his bedroom and closed the door behind them, Shane would cover for them. Neither of them had to worry about being overhead due to the loudness of James McAvoy's terrible American yelling in Wanted in the other room. They were side by side on the new and improved bed, Garrett's knee grazing Andrew's, both in shorts.

"Did he tell you?" Garrett asked, looking directly at Andrew's face. Well, straight to the point it was. Andrew better buckle up.

"Yeah," Andrew fessed up, the guilt was still burning within, it was now or never, "Garrett, I'm so fucking sorry."

Garrett gaped slightly, his instinct took over, "Andrew, no, don't be." then after a moment, "Wait, about what?"

Could he make it though this? Andrew had been dreading this for months, without even knowing it, he'd never wanted to be in this situation. Because the most likely outcome was not ideal; it included uncomfortableness and mental punishment, and questioning, and probably more distancing, and Andrew didn't want any of those things anymore. His mind continuously reminded him that life was not like the movies, not all couples end up happily ever after.

He was never supposed to experience these things with another man, that wasn't who he was supposed to grow up as; gay. It just wasn't his fate, so when these road blocks hit him hard in the face, he'd immediately mistaken them for something else. How could it be that he was legitimately feeling something other than friendship with a male? How could it be that he wanted to have something other than friendship with a—but no, not just any male, with Garrett Watts? Only him.

Yet here he was, sitting face to face with someone whom he'd just come to terms with crushing on for months, almost completely willing to confess. It was scaring the living shit out of him.

"For being so rude to you, f-for ignoring you and avoiding you, and being the worst friend in the entire world. I'm sorry, Garrett." he tried to say it as sincerely as possible, it wasn't hard, his voice sounded bubbly because of the still present lump in his throat; because of Garrett. It all boiled down to him, didn't it? Garrett had caused this entire crisis Andrew was still thrashing his way though, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, which just so happened to lead Andrew's mind into thinking about the way light reflected in Garrett's pure, sky-blue eyes. Damn him.

"Oh, no, Andrew, honestly—" Garrett took a deep breath and dropped Andrew's gaze, "It was partially my fault too, you're not to take the blame. We were both going through stuff."

If he was referring to Andrew's "stuff" as being editing Shane's series, then he was mistaken. Garrett had now officially been the "stuff" he was going through — still is, he's still suffering.

"No but it's different, you were going through something more than just editing a video, dude." Andrew hoped that that was what he'd been talking about, "You were transitioning lifestyles, and I was being a dick throughout that entire process. I'm really sorry for that, I can't, I'll make it up to you."