The Soul Rape Cult, and other thoughts from my harrasive mind

Stephen Hawking Mercury Theories

Theory #1

Stephen Hawking. The millionaire genius. Puts to shame every other wannabe scientists,  achieving great things even while paralytic. But was he always like this? The answer, straight from my weird dystopian brain, is no. The cause was mercury.  *Warning, Personal Opinion* Mercury, the most amazing element in existence. Let me explain what Mercury has to do with Stephen Hawking. Mercury was around during the Egyptian times. Many of these primitive beings had the religious idea that Mercury was magical and did amazing things to humans. Incorrect, the only amazing thing is how it kills you. Anyways, they ingested it with water on a daily basis, thinking it would extend their lives. Some of them, mostly rich Egyptians, injected it into their brains. Nothing worked, duh, but the Mercury stayed in their brains. If they lied down, the mercury, which is liquid at room temperature, sloshed into the rest of their brains, therefore causing brain death, which would either kill them or render them paralytic. So, Stephen Hawking believed in this Egyptian mumbo-jumbo, and he decided to inject himself with it. Now, he could talk and walk at this point. But one day, weeks after he did the mercury treatment, he tripped and fell, and the mercury splashed into his Lingual Gyrus, Vermis and Cerebellum. This destroyed their ability to function, but miraculously did not kill him, and it rendered him unable to move or speak. That is the story of why Stephen Hawking is like he is, or was. (R.I.P)

Theory #2 (See Powerthirst 3 in youtube to understand Zeus reference)

Steven Hawking is a fish made from stone of Mercury. This one piece of stone fell down to Earth from a solar flare that broke it of from the planets surface. This piece had genetic material from different comets it crashed into during its flight to Earth. When it crashed into the frozen waters from the ice age, it created a thermonuclear reaction that mutated its genetic material into a life form. Meanwhile, before his auto destruction, Zeus put all his energy into one last pleasureful nut, and that nut flew towards Earth, filled with energy and landed in the middle of the thermonuclear reaction. This unified all the different mutated life forms' genetic material into one immortal creature. The Hawking stone fish. This fish every few thousand years or so, clones itself into a deformed version of the current dominant creature on the Earth's surface, as to attain their knowledge. The most recent one, and its namesake, was Stephen Hawking. Its believed that the cloned fish sacrifices normalcy and bodily fuctions in order to preserve some of its vast knowledge into itself.