MANIC

- Intro -

I haven't felt depressed in months and as a result, I completely forgot its feeling and the negative emotions that came skipping, hand-in-hand with my illness. I want to go back to the times where I could smile effortlessly and laugh truthfully. To the joyful times where I could go to work without salty tears staining my cheeks as they slowly, but surely, made their escape towards my rounded chin and into the puddle that lay in my bed. The puddle would not receive an invitation, but a couple times a year, it would barge into my life just like my mother who tries, but fails to save me from my miserable life. She would tell me to get out of the pitiful New York environment I'm installed in, along with my old, run down apartment, but I couldn't. She tells me to get back on my meds and take control of my life once again, but I can't. My Andre told me not to.

A couple months ago he moved me from my gorgeous, big penthouse to the ghetto of the city. He then told me that I am too strong for my meds, so I refrained myself from taking my pills, and started helping myself to the ones the people of New York City sell to me for a reasonable price. I proceeded with quitting my accounting career and just as my boyfriend advised me, I became a stripper at a local bar. Now you'd probably wonder why my partner would want me to pursue such a revealing profession. I too was confused at first, but pressed on without a justification. Andre did not have to explain himself. Not to me. Not to anyone. He did not have to tell me why his room is invaded with different coloured and sized bras, nor was he obligated to elaborate on the subject of ordering me to kill my brother as he tried to escort me back to live with him and my mother in Cleveland. Most people think Andre Rodriguez is a mad man, but that's because they don't know him the way I do. I am convinced that, after many long years of loneliness, I have finally encountered a being that truly loves and cherishes my presence. He's someone that can deal with my bipolar, just as well as I am able to. He encourages me to embrace it, instead of neglecting it with medication. Andre also made me a promise that if I buy him expensive vehicules, jewelry, along with everything a wealthy person would own, he will take me flying. I've never actually flown before, unless you count the rusty and squeaky swing sets my neighbourhood playground provided. Other than that small childhood thrill, I used to watch Superman through the electronic store windows, as my nose pressed on the stained glass and my eyes widened the more the storyline would excite me. I want to be like Superman one day...

With Andre's love and help, I can forget murdering my most-loved family member, along with the dangerous environment I now live in. During my depressive episodes, those old memories come crashing in like a cold vicious wave, but I've learned and my partner has taught me that without the pills prescribed by my doctor, I can prolong my happy episodes and shorten my torturing ones. With my lover's assistance and presence in my life, I can make all my demons vanish with a single kiss.