Mostly, all stories of Anorexia Nervosa are quite similar, but for some reason I'd like to think that mine is far from any other. It all started when I was about 10 years old in 2010. I'd always been a skinny girl, not too skinny, but averagely thin. However, I started to see some changes in my body, changes that I didn't think were happening to the girls in my class. I started to notice that breasts were starting to grow, and for some reason I felt as if I were just getting fat. Of course that is quite abnormal for a 10 year old girl to think. As 2010 went by, I felt uncomfortable with my body. I started to make changes in my eating habits, but nothing too drastic. I would just ask my parents "Isn't this too fattening?" or I would lightly refuse to eat dessert, something that had always been a part of my meals. 2011 then rolled around and I was starting to feel more and more insecure with my body.
I saw all of these girls at school with their stick thin legs, and all I could think was "Gosh I really want to look like them" (by this time I was already 11). However nothing too life-changing happened until one particular month which I believe was March of 2011. I bought a pair of jeans from Abercrombie in my usual 10 size, but for some reason I felt that the pants were too tight on me and that I had to lose some weight in order to be able to wear them. Later that month, I remember being in science class and hearing my teacher list a number of "unhealthy foods" and foods that you should avoid. I also remember her mentioning that we should all count calories in order to stay "healthy". Hearing all of this was just what I needed to go down with other drastic changes.
At the time, my parents hadn't really noticed anything, and just didn't pay much attention to my comments about calories and such. Eventually, I stopped eating my after-school snack that had always been there for me. I also started to eat only a sandwich for lunch. Yeah, this might not be too drastic compared to what other girls have started with, but considering my age this was something to be concerned about. In about June of that year, me and my family took a trip to our native country of Colombia (we were living in the USA), and as usual my mother took me and my brother to a check up at the pediatrician. It was all quite normal until the doctor proceeded to weigh me. I suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline and was hoping to see a low number on that scale. About a month before that, my parents started showing concern about my weight and were telling me that I had lost some, I just told them not to worry and all continued smoothly. However that day at the doctor's office they did start to worry. In my last check-up I had weighed about 35kg, but I was now down to 29kg. Inside I felt accomplished, and for some reason I felt like I had done something to be proud of.
On the rest of that vacation I started coming up with "tricks" to not eat. I would tell my parents that I wanted to eat lunch for example, in front of the computer and whenever they weren't around I would grab what I could from the plate, wrap it in the napkin and then act like I had to go to the bathroom so that I could flush it all down the toilet. At this point I was counting calories everyday and would try to stay in the 1,000 a day range. These tricks continued for the rest of the summer, and yes, my parents were worried, but now that I look back on it they were in some sort of denial. Even though I thought no one saw me, they knew all about my flushing food down the toilet and the rest of my tricks. Also during those summer months, my struggle with body image became unbearable. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without thinking that I had to lose weight, or that I was too fat to be pretty. This was just the beginning.
Once we got back to the USA, I myself could tell that I had lost some weight, hell I fit into size 8 shorts at age 11. However, it was never enough for me. I would film myself to see if I had gained weight or to see how "fat" I was. I would take pictures of my legs and wonder what I could do to make them thinner. That year I would be going to a new school, where I could supposedly start fresh, as I hated my previous school. However, yes on the first day I did start fresh, but not in the ways that I should have. my first day at that new school was like the day that I decided to turn on a switch and said " I will get thinner". I hadn't really planned on it but my lunches now consisted of 1 piece of sandwich bread, and a bit of water. My breakfasts were now down to either half a granola bar, a 70 calorie granola bar, or a 50 calorie granola "cookie". By this time, my parents knew that I had a problem and would start warning me of the dangers of anorexia, but as any mentally ill person, I did not listen to them. To me they were just over exaggerating, and stopping me from getting my dream body. Now, years later, I realize that I was doing this to somehow compensate for my unhappiness and for my lack of friends. I thought that maybe I couldn't control how many friends I had but I could control my physical appearance.
