Don't give up

Part 1

To everyone who loves Connie and Jacob, I hope you like this. This is something I wrote and posted on another site a while back, but thought I'd post it here too :) love Kendal rose xx

"In this proud land we grew up strong, we were wanted all along, I was taught to fight, taught to win, I never thought I could fail,"

The wind howled, rushing through the night sky like a feral animal chasing after its prey. Small lost leaves helplessly caught up in its strong vices had no choice but to be carried effortlessly across the busy city. He sat on the edge of the roof, looking out across Holby, the twinkling lights from the cars feeling like they were so many miles away.

His shoes clipped the worn, red bricks as he swung his legs backward and forward as he leaned back against his hands and closed his dark eyes. He sighed, exhaling all the pent up breathe from his reluctant lungs and tried to rid his mind of the thoughts that were penetrating his soul.

"No fight left, or so it seems, I am a man whose dreams have all deserted, I've changed my face, I've changed my name, but no-one wants you when you lose,"

He was far from a fool and he definitely did not need anyone to tell him how very dangerous sitting up here, in this unforgiving weather, was. What he didn't expect however, was the stark realisation that sitting out here in the dark, on top of the hospital roof, was the closest he'd felt to being alive in weeks. His life was a mess; he knew that, he was a mess. In any other situation, a casual bystander would never have known the turmoil that boiled so closely beneath the surface of his chiselled face. How his heart ached in a way it had never done before; how his mind was constantly on overdrive as he replayed the scene over and over and over again.

"Don't give up, 'cos you have friends, don't give up, you're not beaten yet, don't give up, I know you can make it good."

Himself and Jade, his wife, were rapidly growing further and further apart, the emotional distance between them so much larger than the physical. He should be able to talk to her, to tell his wife just how alone and sore and lifeless he felt. But he couldn't, and the more he thought about it, he didn't think he ever could.

It wasn't the first time he'd thought about it. It wasn't the first time he'd thought about jumping, about slipping off the wall and into the dark, cold night sky. But that wasn't him, was it? Was he really ready to give it all up just yet?

"Thought I saw it all around, never thought that I could be affected, though that we'd be the last to go, it is so strange the way things turn."