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Autumn was just that season.
Just one of the many things that was ruined forever now. No longer could Yoongi watch any studio Ghibli movies without an ache in his chest. Or could he get bubble tea without the lingering taste of bitterness left on his tongue. That's what happens when you break up with your high school lover, he supposes. All their things were your things, 'our things', and there was nothing you could do about it.
You could either just get new things to like, or keep up with the same interests as if you didn't have someone next to you that would be there to talk about it to. Not anymore at least. Like you and someone who was no longer there didn't gush about it together at some point in your life. Yoongi could no longer just text his now ex boyfriend about something that was their inside joke.
"No longer do we use thick with two 'C's' we say solid with two 'D's'" Yoongi could hear him say, "That's an us thing now"
The nickname 'Yoonbean' as cringy as it was, could no longer be used by anyone else and now would be a name of the past. A bullet to his chest whenever he were to hear the mutters of anything similar to it.
Yoongi supposes, that maybe he was somehow at fault. He saw the signs of their relationship withering before the words "I want to break up" were even muttered. But it was never bad, it never does start out that way of course. It was gradual.
Even when fall had slipped into a winter in the middle of November. That, cold, November, afternoon occurred many years ago. But he could still feel the chill against his warming cheeks that burnished a red-ish hue, their cold yet clammy palms in their coat pockets. The crinkle of leaves as Yoongi stared at his lover jump into a pile of leaves with the biggest smile and grabbing his phone, Yoongi snapped a photo. Only one memory out of the few.
But Winter always comes even when you don't want it to. It's been a cold year, Yoongi would think every time December came around but then- then it really was a cold year. It was as if the seasons reciprocated what he had felt back then, when there was no spring and just winter. Just a snowy wasteland, devoid of any warmth as if it never existed in the first place.
Yoongi remembers when they had first kissed in the school halls and he had leaned on the wall, stepped on his toes high and kissed his boyfriend. And he didn't feel shy like he normally did. Because he wasn't ashamed of what he had, he was happy, proud that he- he was the one with the beautiful person that was 'xxxxxx'. But again... Maybe that was just his perspective.
You'd think something would've hit him right? When 'xxxxxx' had been spending too much time with his friend. Spent nights together and ignored Yoongi's texted for hours. But he was busy, right? So there was no evidence saying otherwise even when he saw his messages being read, but never replied to. But that didn't stop Yoongi from kissing his boyfriend, from spending nights with him with the door locked, parents just downstairs. He didn't think, not once, of the possibility of the one he loved not loving him anymore. The kisses stopped, so did the hand holding, and the presence of his boyfriend had completely been erased any weekend he had off. Because 'xxxxxx' had already made plans and Yoongi respected that. He wasn't going to be a controlling boyfriend, like those he's heard of before. Those 'xxxxxx' had said he had been with before.
