I always knew something was wrong with me from the very beginning. It started as a deep depression and someone able to control mood swings. All my friends were baffled how I could just go from being the bubbly girl I was to someone who looked dead. Sometimes it was vise versa but it never was just one consistent change of emotions. It never was a slight change, it always seemed drastically different. Now as I'm becoming an adult, it's mood changes that I simply just can't control as much anymore. I get extremely irritable and with more days then not, I'm simply done. I go through my highs, but my lows are very low. I'm at a loss for words really, I tried the whole therapy thing and I'm working on the medicine thing but to no avail nothing is working.
It seems like no one wants to be around me, I don't know why but it is what it is. At this point I'm sick of fucking trying. I don't want to talk to anyone anymore and I'm upset. Why fucking bother. My life is shitty and my past is even more shitty and people could care less. I can't make everyone happy and fuck I can't even make one person happy anymore.
There's always him, and I make him pretty happy I think, but I don't know if he'll want to stick around. I'm not sure, I hope but we both have our own problems. I really like him though, one extremely into him. As a person he makes me very happy, I always love hearing his voice and seeing him. His eyes are so pretty and blue. I also see they are full of pain and have been through so much. Maybe that's our middle ground, and why we get each other so much. We've been through similar things and don't want those events to repeat each other.
Regardless at this current time, I don't want to leave my bed or my room. I don't want to speak to anyone or anything of that matter. I want nothing to do with anyone and I just want to be alone. I'm an extreme introvert, I go to work and come home. I spend a lot of time in my room and that's honestly okay. It's my somewhat private spot that I spend my time drawing and being myself.
I seem to just ramble and I guess that's okay. No one is gonna even read this probably anyways. I just need something to do. I love writing but, honestly I lost my touch and passion for creating things. A lot of my art gets thrown away or I forget it exists and I haven't even picked up writing in months. I am not consistent, never have and probably never will be. My other stories will probably just sit on here until I may or may not decide to pick them up. Maybe this one I'll abandon too
I don't know...
