Dear Ludwig

Chapter 5: Immortal Beloved

-Gabithia I have wonderful news for you!- my mother said when I first arrived
-Yes mother?-
-I will not tell yet it is a surprise-
I nodded and proceeded to unpack my things, what surprise is she talking about? When I unpacked my belongings and changed clothes I walked downstairs and what they'd told me didn't please me as they thought...
-What's the surprise you were talking about?-
- Your father and I had finally settled a marriage and found a you husband!- she said rather too excitedly
My whole world went down as soon as I heard the news, I was afraid this day would have come
-Who's my husband- I asked in a sad tone
-A Lord from the Royal Family of Vienna, surely you know them on your trip with Beethoven- said Father
-Sadly no, I have not made the Royal Familiy's acquintance-
-Oh, Gabithia, don't feel nerveous, you'll like him, his very handsome and charming and you won't die in poverty- said Mother happily
-And we get to have a higher social position, isn't it wonderful darling?- said Father
I just looked down at my hands but i want Ludwig not him, I love Ludwig can't you understand?-  I thought
-You must excuse me- I said as my voice broke
I could not help but cry when I got to my room, how many females like me in the world had this very unhappy fate? How many other ones had the opportunity to choose their husbands? I guess none.
I had no one to talk about my unfortunate fate, I couldn't tell to Ludwig either because then he'll know I'm in love with him madly and even if we both are, they won't let us be together, just because of the fact that Ludwig wasn't a man of money like the Lord in forced to marry.
-Gabithia are you all right? I have seen you deflated lately- asked me Ludwig one week ago after finding out my fate,  in a week I haven't eaten or dranked anything
-I'm ok, everything good?-
I nodded
-Sure?-
-Yes, thanks anyways-
-Can I still talk to you?-
-Sure, go ahead I'm all ears for you-
He took a breath and then smiled, that kind of goofy smile boys do when they are in love Finally the time has come!  I thought for the first time rising my spirits
-Cupid has strucked me Gabithia, I'm in love with someone-
-And who is it, the one who'd stolen your heart?-
-She's beautiful, her name is Josphine, I met her a week ago before coming back from Vienna-
The last stab in my heart I had to take, my poor broken heart beaten, teased, kicked to the dirt and made fun at, I couldn't help it anymore, I'm being the most unhappy girl in the world's history!
-Your very lucky Ludwig, I wish for you the best-
It hurted saying a painful lie hard to swallow, just like venom
-I suppose your parents had aready made a wedding arraignment for you, yes?-
-They did indeed-
-I wish for your engagement the best wishes too-
-Thank you, Ludwig-

I stand up and looked at the stack of letters in his dinnertable labelled as "Immortal Beloved", my eyes were misting, I had to go as soon as possible
-Pardon me Ludwig I have to go-
-Take care- he said but I was already gone
I thought we loved each other, why did he played with my heart? *sighs* There's no use anyway, I'm going to get married and I must come to the terms to accept it, his not my man and never will he be.

3 weeks ago

I got married irreversibly, the service was, as my parents describe it, "lovely". I had news that Ludwig did not had any luck with that Josephine of his, I was already married, it was too late. I ordered a secret vault with my secret letters and poems never meant to be delivered to my own "Immortal Beloved" I made my death testament which I ordered to give the vault to Ludwig Van Beethoven.
My new husband kissed me and hugged me and made love with me but it  did not felt quite the same, my love belonged to Ludwig and it made me sadder to know that I'm giving my own to someone else that's not him, I tried my best to mask my pain so no one would know but it gets harder to pretend when your an unhappy soul, my new home was his mansion and he always buy me presents, but none of them were as essential as my need for Ludwig, Oh dear Ludwig! Why I had to meet such an unfortunate fate as mine? I knew soon enough Beethoven got very famous and started to drink heavily..like his Father, he was in a very bad state so I decided to give him a good-bye, I kissed him for the last time and choked myself hungedin the cealing of my chamber, I hoped Ludwig understands why I took this choice as he reads my letters..

Her funeral was like a stormy day, tormented, it was a storm to my soul also, because she was the only thing I had in my life that truly count and trust on. I could not believe it, the day they announced me of her death I could not believe it, I'll admit it I started to drink more but, what else could I do? I had a sonata for her and all, I'd dedicated my first movement "Moonlight Sonata" to her, which I get to play in her funeral also, when I arrived to her home I took the vault just like she wanted and leave it at y apartment.
From that moment on, I started to be more serious, my deafness advanced, I dranked more and tried to avoid conversations, it hurted that I couldn't be able to hear people's voices, conversations with my friends are gonna be ghostly unheard and the sweet voice of Gabithia was going to be missing in my world, I felt depressed of everything that has happened my childhood, my poor brothers, Gabithia and her family, her husband, my unwealthness, my health and most of all for myself.
Seeing her body in that coffin made me feel sentimental, who knew, oh cruel world, that her body once belonged to me, her prominent lips were like drinking wine, her brunette skin was softer than my own wardrobes, her black hair was lovely and the sad part would be that missing her was always present each passing day because there were days were I needed her to tell me some advice or a hug and there was other times were my skin screamed for her name.
I'd tried but I had no luck, no one is a perfect as Gabithia, she helped me in my moments of poverty and need, there is no German girl as beautiful as the one I only called my friend, I couldn't open her vault, I wasn't ready. Soon enough I forgive myself for not accepting the reality, it took me a year until I started to date Josephine again, which turned out to be a fatal flaw of mine by the thinking it would have worked out for both of us, her family is socially important and they rejected our love just because I wasn't like her, I'd once wanted to see her but she was not home, my heart couldn't take no more and all those letters I send to her, Für Elise composition they were all in vain and in my moment of need I found myself reading Gabithia's secret letters as they took me back to Germany :

Dear Ludwig:
I have to tell you something important, I'm going straight to the point--I love you--I've always had since we were little Ludwig, how crazy right?
You must be far away from Germany, I know, I hope you come back I miss you

Yours truly,
Gabithia

I kept reading her letters and poems wondering, why I have not said a thing? I was in love with her and I wondered around doubting it? Now she is dead because of my fault, I was so blind I didn't saw what was on her heart which was the same feeling I had, we could have been together but none of us dared to admit our same mutual feeling, she did loved me and I did not have her heart a chance.
I felt even more depressed than before, so I wrote my own letter, the only thing left to do was do what I do best for Gabithia and wait for Death to receive me as an old friend.
Life becomes a sad, difficult puzzle to solve in human mankind, I couldn't tell Gabithia that she was the one who I loved the most.
She was my true Moonlight Sonata, my Für Elise...

My Immortal Beloved

THE END