Monologues

You don't understand

I'm fine, really I'm ok. I'm the bright cheery girl that is always there for her friends and never lets them down. You know why I do that though?? Because I care about them more then me. Friends are my world, they are my second family. No, scratch that. They are my first family. My real family doesn't care about me, they didn't even want me. They pretend they care but when I told my mom I was depressed she told me I was just upset and wanting attention. She doesn't realise that I sit in my room all day, because I'm scared of the world. I sit in my room all day so I can cry and be alone because nobody believes i have problems anyways. The very few people that beleive me don't even know how bad it is. They don't know that I have attempted suicide or that I harm myself in ways they can't see. They don't understand that I'm so broken that there is no point in even trying to build me back up again. Nobody understands...because I won't let them.
You may think you understand, but think again. I'm like that dirty old beat up doll in the toy store that nobody wants. I sit on that shelf for hours, days, months, years, untouched and unfixed. Why? Because I'm invisible...Im invisible to everybody around me because I put my walls up and never let anybody break them down. I've been depressed since I was a child, but I didn't know for the longest time. I figured out how bad it was when I was 10. I told my mom, ans she said "Shake it off, you are fine." But I'm not fine... I've been strugfling to live for 5 years now...and everyday I am put more and more at risk then people realise. So don't even pretend to understand! There is no way you can understand what I'm going through! You aren't me...you don't know the things that go on inside my head. You don't know...that one day you're gonna wake up and I'll be in the bathroom, crying with slits all over. And then you will see...you never understood the power people's opinions had on me. You didn't have to go through it. So you didn't understand...