Don't!! Just...don't. Don't even dare try to say that I'm a happy joyful person, because I'm not!! I'm a broken beat up useless whore that pretends to be ok when around people, but as soon as I get home I break down. I lay down in my room and cry for hours because I can't take it! People joke about depression all the time, not realising how many people it effects so deeply. I take care of other people when they are upset, it's who I am. I take care of them and make them happy and ok again, but I freak out when somebody tries to help me. I'm not used to it, it's unnatural. It makes me aware I have a problem, why do you think I stopped going to a councilor. I've gotten so good at helping others that they forget I have problems too. But I do. I have been living for others for the past 5 years of my life, it's not for me. If it were up to me I would have died young, but I'm still here...for them.
On the outside I'm smiling but on the inside in dieing. I tell people I'm fine when really I let my anxiety control me. It tells me where to go, what to do, what to say. It scared me when I'm with friends, family, or anybody. It doesn't let me go out, or have fun. I've lost interest in everything I lkved to do...except writing. And when my mom tries to take away the one thing I have left, thats when my life is most at risk.
I have problems too, I just don't let you see them. But don't worry, nobody else will either...
YOU ARE READING
Monologues
PoetryWhen I get depressed or upset I make monologues. I'm deciding to share them with you, don't judge and don't leave opinions. This is how I feel and it's how I see my life.
