Irreplaceable. || Beynika

1

Slut. Whore. Bitch. Hoe. Gold digger.

Okay Onika, calm. Maybe it's not even you, maybe it's another girl, maybe you weren't the one having sex with him. He is a celebrity, he must have a lot of girls.. Even if he is my fiancé.

My hands shakily grabbed my phone as I my breathing became faster and louder. The anticipation was killing me, my heartbeat multiplied by a hundred. I wanted to click on the link, and see who was the unlucky girl that has been exposed, but at the same time, the need of breaking my phone and never touch it again seemed like a great option, too.

" Onika ! Please go on instagram, they leaked your sextape with Meek ! " I hurriedly got wake up by my best friend, Lauren, on the other side of the line.

Me ? Meek ? Sextape ? When ? How ? Were the questions repeatedly turning in my head. I knew, for sure that I didn't film myself having sex with the guy I've met a good year ago. I had much respect for myself for that.

I blew a breath and used my shaky finger to click on the link. The Shade Room, one of the most informed instagram pages, one of the biggest instagram critics, a page I usually followed for the biggest news, posted what seemed like a video, my name fully displayed in the caption. My God.

theshaderoom #EXPOSED : International well known rapper @meekmill sextape with a random girl named Onika Maraj.... Multiple sources (close friends of Meek) confirmed that they are engaged ! what do y'all think ? 📷 : secret source. 👀

My whole world crashed around me as the video played and replayed in front of my now glossy eyes. I couldn't see well due to my tears, but I knew for sure that it was me, laying down, in the strawberry lingerie I brought for that awaited day, showing my love and lust for the man I loved. How could he ?

Such an intimate moment, such a private act, such a big secret. How could he ? I was his girl, his gold, his diamond, his fiancé, he was supposed to protect me from people eyes, but yet he chose to expose me to them and in the most disrespectful way, how could he ?

Filming without my consent, filming my body, filming my so kept treasure, filming my intimacy, releasing it to the world, how could he ?

I put my shaky hand on my mouth as I violently sobbed, my eyes never leaving my phone. I watched the video again and again, and noticed how stupid I was to think that Meek was the man I needed in my life.

I should have listened to my mother. She was the only one against Meek and I's relationship, and I was so angry at her for that. I was so angry at her, because I felt like every mother should be happy for their little girl's engagement.

But she was right ? Being engaged to a big star came with it drawback, and sometimes, it just couldn't work as we dreamed it to. She was more than right.

I took my phone, the brand new iPhone XS he brought me, and smashed it on the wall next to me. I watched as the tiny metal collapsed with the wall and fell on the ground in even more tiny pieces, and didn't regret it at all.

I felt a bit relieved. If I don't go on social medias, If I don't go out anyway, nobody will see me, nobody will see how it affected me, nobody will judge me, nobody will call me a slut, right ?

I sobbed even more and let my body hit the ground. I stayed here, laying on the ground, and cried until I had no tears left to cry. I cried so much that my eyes were now dry, and tired of trying to create any forms of watery salty liquids. All I was left with were my glanders, that I desperately tried to contain in my tiny nose, with tired, exhausted sniffs.

My God, why me ? I looked at my left hand and admired the 1million worthy ring on my annular. We were so perfect, we loved each other so much, where did all this go? Where did the love, the promises, the happiness, the trust, go ? Where ? What did I do to deserve this ?

" Onika .. " I heard someone whisper.

I didn't have to look up to know who it was, and how much I needed her presence next to me right now. She sighed and rushed to hold me in her arms.

I thought I had no tears left, but I was wrong. Once I felt my best friend's arms around me, holding me in a tight hug, I broke down again, my sobs way more violent. She rocked my back as we went back and forth, tried to comfort me with her words that could have been reassuring in other times but didn't work that day. I was broken.

" Shhh.." Lauren said, still holding me. " Stop crying, Nika. He's the one that should be crying his ass off, because he lost you. "

I sniffed and for the first time looked at her right in her eyes. Her facial expression changed from pity to anger and I saw in her face that she never saw me like that, so vulnerable. " I'm going to fuck him up, Nika. He's not getting away with this, I swear on my mom's gravel ! "

" I-I did everything I could Lauren. Everything. Why me ? I've been so patient, so forgiving, so loving and caring, and this is how he thanks me ? I feel so stupid."

I sobbed again, pushing my head on my best friend's neck. She held me tighter, and our bodies became one. At that point, I felt nothing but respect for her because of myself being a very bad consoler.

" You don't have to feel stupid, you just were in love, Nika. When you are in love, you think that everything you do is right, even if sometimes it ain't. It's not your fault, it's his. "

I sniffed and broke the embrace. I sighed, exhausted of crying too much and wiped my tears. " I know that it is his fault indeed, but what did I do ? When did I go wrong ? "

" No fucking where. Those boys are almost all like that, pure dogs. You don't have to blame yourself, blame him. "

" I am at a point where I just want to hurt him, so bad. " I sighed. " I never felt that, never wished bad luck to someone, but he is gone way too far ! I wish I could do something to him! I wish! "

Lauren put her hand on my shoulder and smiled. " You know what's amazing Nika ? "

" What ? "

" You can hurt him way more than he hurt you. You can end his career, or even worse, send him to prison. You have that power, now. "

I looked at Lauren confused. " How ? "

" This video he sent to I don't know who has been filmed and sent without your consent. All we need is a good lawyer, and a few TV appearance, and it will be done. You need people by your side, but for now, you need to cool things down. "

I sighed and put my head on my hands. Do I want to hurt him that bad ? Do I have to ? " Ugh. I need some time to think, and collect my ideas back, Lo. "

" I understand. " She winked. " Let's say that we have six months to think and to heal, alright ? "

" Alright. "