Phoenixian Tales

The Execution - A Short Play

AN: I wrote this for a project some time ago, and it's just supposed to be humorous. Please don't take offense.

The Execution

Characters:

Etienne
Marie Antoinette (ghost)
Louis XVI (ghost)   
(Current) King
Executioner 1   
Executioner 2
Soldier 1
Soldier 2
Loudmouth Peasant   
Peasants

Narrator: Late 18th Century France; The King's Court. A man by the name of Etienne was found by 2 soldiers trying to break into a bakery; he now faces the King and pleads for mercy.

Etienne: Please don't hurt me! I didn't do anything!

Soldier 1: We found this man stealing a baguette from a baker's store. What does your Majesty suggest we do to punish this wretch?

Etienne: I plead for your mercy, your Highness! I'm not a thief!

King: Ah, do with him what you do with all the common thieves. Lock him up for a day or two, then set him free.

Etienne: Oh, thank you, my Lord! May the goodness of God shine upon you until you meet your end!

King: What was that, you wretch? You want me to meet my end?

Etienne: No! I—

King: SILENCE! I have changed my mind. Let us have a bit of fun with you, shall we?

Soldier 2: And what does that entail, exactly, your Majesty?

King: Send him to the GUILLOTINE!

Etienne: No! Your Highness, my Lord, please reconsi—

King: SILENCE, you peasant! Soldiers, take him away!

Soldiers (in unison): Yes, your Majesty.

{*****o0o*****}

Narrator: On the road to the Guillotine in the center of town

Etienne: Please don—

Soldier 1: Silence, fool! Why did you even try to steal from that poor baker anyway?

Etienne: No I didn't! I didn't steal from the baker; I am—

Soldier 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know. "I didn't steal from the baker! I just wanted to look at the street from the inside of the baker's shop in the middle of the night!" We've heard that story a million times.

Soldier 1: Uh, have we?

Soldier 2: Oh, shush, you. (Muttering to himself) "Imbecile!"

Etienne: No, you don't understand! I'm the baker of the town! I needed to go back to check on my oven and take my baguette home to my family; I'm no thief!

Soldier 2: Yeah, whatever. We won't listen to you and your lies, thief. Besides, I know the baker of that town; a good fellow named Etienne. His croissants are the sweetest I've ever tasted, fit for the king's court, I'd say!

Soldier 1: Say, when we're done with this guy, why don't we go to that bakery and get us some pastries; I'm craving some of those delicious baguettes!

Soldier 2: As long as you're paying!

Soldier 1: Sure! From the money we get from executing this fool, I'll have plenty!

Etienne: No, you don't understand! I'm Etienne! I own that bakery!

Soldier 2: Good try, fool. The Etienne I know has long curly hair; nothing like yours!

Etienne: Oh, woe to that barber, convincing me to cut all my hair!