Better ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 1: Back in H/P

People say that the past often has a habit of catching up to you -that it creeps in the night and stalks you. In your thoughts...in your actions...even in your dreams. They say that, no matter how much or how fast you try to run, you can never truly escape your ghosts and demons. They say that, in the end, we all have to tango with those monsters we keep hidden under our beds.

But I never bought into that.

I grew up believing it was better to battle my demons alone. I kept my skeletons in my closet and never showcased them. On top of that, what I didn't feel like dealing with I still just shoved in the wardrobe and washed my hands clean of all those matters. I never gave them the power to creep up on me...at least, that was what I told myself.

As I sat there, anxiety consuming me, I was left in my thoughts, everything I had ever done wrong plastering themselves in my mind. Maybe I should have just tried a little harder to talk to him. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a brat. Maybe I should've just been a better person. But beating myself up for what had already happened couldn't change what was happening then. In the end, what was simply was. No amount of regret could ever change that.

"It's none of my business, but you seem a little tense," my Uber driver said, his old blue gaze locked on me. "Are you alright?"

I pried my stare from the view beyond my window and faked a smile, "Oh, uh yeah. I'm fine. Sorry. I'm just not a big talker, really."

"No need to apologize," he chuckled. "Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I nodded in appreciation and lifted my stare back to the view outside. H/P (home city/town) was the same as always. Spring had brought the rainy an stormy season, causing the charcoal clouds to blanket over the welkin, hiding the sun away from view. Rain tapped at the windows, some of the droplets gliding down the glass as others remained stationary. The roads appeared glossy, but that didn't stop life from moving on.

A sparse few pedestrians still walked along the sidewalks, some holding umbrellas over their heads as others just shielded their scalps with drawn up hoods. Cars of vast models and colors drove along, their tires splashing through puddles as their windshield whipers swayed side to side. I knew each person was off in their own little worlds, their minds consumed with their own problems and thoughts.

However, their problems were minuscule and meant nothing to me. Not a damn thing.

I felt no concern for the woman walking on the sidewalk with a cane. I didn't care that there were teenagers huddled under a shop's awning. I barely paid any mind to the man waiting for the bus. None of them mattered to me because only one thing occupied my thoughts.

"Well, we're here," the driver said, once more pulling me from my thoughts. He pulled in front of the location I had given him and placed the car in neutral before turning to me. "Do you need me to wait?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm gonna be here for a while."

"Are you sure? It'll be dark soon," he added

I smiled, "Thanks, but I'll be fine. I'm meeting someone here."

He observed me quickly before sighing, "Well, alright then. Be careful."

"Thank you," I nodded.

I unlatched the door and pushed it open. I hiked out of the vehicle and closed the door behind me. I turned to give him one final smile and wave of gratitude before hurrying into the building. As expected, it was loud and crowded and just not good for my anxiety. If it wasn't an emergency, I wouldn't had even shown up. I would have stayed in Trost, but I was there...in a place, I hated above all others.

I shoved my discomfort away and began walking, taking slow and steady breaths. I passed countless people, few of them even bothering to glimpse my way when I reached the elevator. I summoned the lift and stepped aside as the doors slid open. A number of people came off the elevator, emptying it for all those in waiting to get on. Several other individuals and I loaded on. We each pressed the button matching the floor we needed.

3...5...8...10...11...ding.

That was my stop.

The doors slid open and I exited the lift. I glanced around, seeing where I needed to go next when it practically jumped out at me. I slowly took small steps towards the door I needed, my heart racing against my chest. I didn't want to go through it, but I knew I needed to.

With what little strength I had, I pull open the door and made my way in, seeing two women at a desk close by. One glanced up and smiled at me, "Hello. How can I help you?"

I chewed on my bottom lip and walked over to her, answering, "I'm here to visit L/N (your last name)."

"L/N?" she repeated, glimpsing down at her computer screen. She tapped at her keyboard and chirped, "Yes, L/N. All visitors are welcomed in that suite." She leaned forward and pointed down a nearby corridor, adding, "Room 207, dear. It'll be on the left."

"Thank you," I said.

She flashed me a smile and I went on my way. I followed where her finger had directed me until I came across the room. The dreaded room 207. I balled my hands into fists and took a deep breath. There was no telling what I'd walk in and see, but it had to be done.

With weak arms and shaky legs, I pushed open the door to be greeted by the chirping of monitors and the blaring of a television.

I'm not ready for this.

**Bello my sweet lovelies. It feels so good to be typing again. I've always had a difficult time typing. I guess practice really helps to make it easier. Still, ain't nothin' like some old fashion paper and pen to work on penmanship. I've been dusting off my cursive skills. Learned it back in first grade so it has been a very long time since I've actually used it. Still, it's fun to practice. No idea why I said all that lol. Guess I'm feeling chatty today lol. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed the first official chapter. Thank you so much for everything! Y'all are the best! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross