MONO [ KNJ ]

tokyo.

ɪ ᴏᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴏᴛᴇʙᴏᴏᴋ, ᴅᴜsᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴏғғ ᴀs ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ɪᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴀɴ ᴏʟᴅ ʙᴏx.

17 october, 05:00

i scribbled a few words on my notebook, but ended up erasing them once again.

you loved my mixtapes, and you were always the first one to hear them.

i never ran out of words, but as i look at you - i feel like i was never a songwriter.

i miss you. erase.

your broken smile lit my heart up.
"did you write a verse yet?"
and there your weak voice tore my heart.

even just seeing you lay limp on a hospital bed could take all of my strength away. i was strong, but definitely not strong enough to see you so pale and weak.

"not yet, love." i smiled as caressed your hair, terrified when some strands fell out.

you reached for my hand. you laced our fingers together and i felt how cold your hands were. you gave me a reassuring faint smile, "don't worry."

seeing you so weak broke my heart.

i sighed and kissed the back of your hand, closing my eyes as i held on tight, afraid to let go.

i had to let go.

grabbing a pen and paper, i scribbled a few words on my notebook.

| How different it's going to be?
Why do love and hate
sound just the same to me?