Aries: None. Stay home please, we couldn't bear to see you hurt.
Taurus: The moon
Gemini: Also the moon
Cancer: Anything you goddamn want to
Leo: The sun
Virgo: The international space station
Libra: Mars, good fucking luck
Scorpio: The sun, but you'll probably lose
Sagittarius: A mylar balloon in the shape of a star
Capricorn: Start kicking rocks, you're going to find a meteor someday and when you do, you're going to tear it a new asshole
Aquarius: The moon, but only after Taurus and Gemini have softened it up a bit
Pisces: Just go outside at night and scream
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Zodiac Signs
RandomStereotypical astrological inserts! Open up and see what this book has in store for your sign!
