Secret // Calum Hood

33

Calum

Elena is seriously starting to worry me.  I mean, I’ve always been worried about her.  But I thought she was getting better.  Now, I feel like she’s worse than ever.

I’ve been thinking about her nonstop.  I don’t even notice what I’m doing anymore.  I hate having to go to school when she’s stuck at my house, unable to come out because of her injuries and for fear that her mother will find her.  But life has to go on.  Lately, I feel like that’s all I’ve been saying.  Life has to go on.  Sometimes I feel like I need help as well.

And that’s what hurts the most about Elena.  She’s so confused, in such a dark place.  She doesn’t understand the difference between life and death anymore. She either sits there, incoherent, or she sleeps, or she’s calm, talking and laughing, or she’s crying her eyes out.  I can see how much pain she’s in, and it hurts me as well.  I don’t want her to be in this halfway, barely existing trance.  I thought she was getting better because she’s not cutting anymore, but there’s so much more than that.  I’m so stupid for thinking that making her stop cutting, and bringing her with me would fix everything.  I think I finally understand now that the problem wasn’t that Elena needed to get away from her demons, but that her demons need to get away from her.  

I checked my phone and saw that I had a new voicemail.  I looked at who it was, and immediately stepped outside to call them back.  I sat on our porch swing, looking around to make sure that no one would hear me.  I nervously pressed the call back button, and held my breath while I waited for an answer.

“Hello?” they answered.

“It’s me”.

“You need to bring her home.  You really think that she’s safer with you?” they asked.

“She is safe with me!” I replied angrily.

“No, she’s not.  That whole damn town isn’t good for her.  It’s full of too many bad memories.  I’m moving my family to another place, one that’s better and happier.  This isn’t even right.  You’re tearing my family further apart!” they accused.  I took a deep breath, wanting to be calm when I answer.

“Mr. Jacobs, with all do respect, you don’t know everything that’s been going on here.  Elena is in so much pain, and part of it is because of your wife!  She’s the one tearing things apart,” I said.

“Elena is my daughter, I know what’s best for her.  I know the things her mother has done.  I’m not proud of anything I’ve put the both of them through.  Really, this is all my fault.  Her mother was doing fine until I left again.  But I’m back, and it’s my job to fix everything.  I know you meant well, but what was Elena going to do with you?  She can’t stay there forever.  Were you going to convince her to call child services and have the government deal with it?  We all know how that works out. I don’t have a lot of time here.  Elena’s mother is starting to wonder where Elena really is, I can’t keep distracting her with my presence and telling her that Elena is at a friend’s house.  We both know Elena would come to me in a heartbeat, no matter where she is, or where I am. I’m not asking you, I’m telling you, bring my daughter home so we can leave and she will never have to suffer again.”