Ghost of You // Jack Gilinsky

chapter 1

~ here i am waking up,

still can't sleep on your side ~

Serena's POV *

Another reckless night, another night with almost zero sleep and another night without him. I lay on the right side of the bed curled up in my white duvet. I look over at the digital clock that sits on top of our - my bedside table. The clock reads 4:16 am. To early to do anything. I turn over onto my right side and I'm met with nothing. His side of the bed is empty. The smell of his cologne is still prominent and you can see the dent in the bed that molded to his body perfectly. The left side of the bed has remained empty since he's left. I can't bring myself to roll over and just lay on the left side of my bed. I feel that if I do he'll come home and see me on his side of the bed and he'll be forced to sleep on my side even though he likes the left side better. The left side of my bed has been marked the territory of him. No one has even sat in his spot.

I lay in the same spot that I have been for weeks, consumed by the silence until my eyelids grow heavy and my body tries to catch up on the sleep I've missed. My mind shuts off and lets my body rest for a while. I lay still on the right side of the bed, never moving to the left. I sleep. I sleep even though it feels wrongs without you. I sleep through my first alarm that goes off at 6 and then the one 6:30 and then 7 and then 8 and 8:30 and the one at 9 and even 9:30. I sleep with my mouth agape and my legs tangled in the sheets and my hair all over the place. My body reflects peace while my mind is running with dreams and chaos. I don't wake until I hear the front door being slammed shut. My mind is telling me run downstairs! It might be him! But I can't move. I physically can't. My body hurts, but not more than my heart does. I haven't left my bed since the last time I saw him. The bed is warm, too warm since I never leave for more than 10 minutes at a time now. I hear the stairs creek but still, I do not move. Whoever's outside stops outside my bedroom door.

My heart starts racing, thinking that it could be him right outside the bedroom door. I hear a soft knock at the door, I go to answer 'come in' but all that leaves my mouth is a silent cry. My throat is dry and my voice s hoarse. The doorknob turns and in walks,

my mom.

"Oh sweetheart" she quickly runs to my aid, checking to make sure I'm not dying. And even though I'm not I feel as if I am.
"Mommy" I barely croak out. She takes my face in both of her motherly hands. She holds me so gently almost like I'm porcelain and if she drops me I'll shatter into thousands of tiny pieces.
"Daniella called me, don't worry. It's okay. Momma's got you now" She pulls me into a tight hug and I instantly latch onto her.
"It hurts mommy, it hurts so bad" I sob into her shoulder.
"I know, I know" she coos into my ear as she slowly rocks back and forth, just like when I was a kid.
"It's going to hurt, it's supposed too. But you are strong and you'll get through this." We stay in the same spot until my tears come to a stop, but by then I'm to drained to do anything. My eyes feel heavy again and I eventually fall asleep on my mother's shoulder.

I don't know how long I'm asleep but I know it's not long. I haven't been able to sleep much because I constantly think of him. I look over to the left side of the bed, almost like I'm expecting to see him right beside me sleeping peacefully. But he's not there, instead, my mother lays on her side. I cringe when I see someone else on his side.

For what feels like the first time in forever I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I flip the light switch and look at the mirror. And I'm shocked with what I see. I don't look like myself anymore.

I sigh and brush my teeth, then move towards the shower. I turn the temperature until I find the water warm enough. I strip out of my days old clothes and step into the shower. As soon as the warm water hits my body I sit on the floor of the shower. The warm water feels like the hug I've been longing for.

I look up and let the water hit my face. I hold my knees to my chest and let the water cascade everywhere. My thoughts take over and I'm left thinking of him once again. I'm taken out of my thoughts when I hear a knock on the bathroom door.

"Sweetheart, I'm gonna go make you some food. Do you want anything in particular?" she asks through the door.
"I'm fine with anything mom!" and that was true, I haven't eaten in a little while and now that I think of it I was pretty hungry.
"Okay, and don't use so much water. Your water bill is gonna skyrocket!" I chuckle and stand up to wash off.

After walking out of the shower, drying off and changing I walk downstairs to the kitchen and see my mom working away. Thank god she's here right now. I need someone to help me. I hear another person walk in, my head snaps in the direction hoping he might walk in.

"Serena! You're out of bed!" Daniella runs straight to me and engulfs me in a hug.
"I missed you, and we're gonna help you. Okay?" I nodded and pulled her into a hug.

A/N finally sticking to my @ and writing a Gilinsky book. should i think about writing a Johnson book? what do you think of the first chapter?