Stay Away: I'm Not The One.

No, It Wasn't A Proposal.

I slide over to the right side and he gets in after me.
The driver rolls up the glass to give us some privacy.
I appreciate that.

I think I might do it right now because I can't keep living with imagining outcomes which are possibly the exact opposite. Before I get the words out of mouth, Shawn comes closer, like really close.

The situation is always fixated on him looking down on me because he's a goddamn girrafe. His hands roll up on my thighs as I'm cornered to the end of the seat, against the window. His eyes look down on me. They give out a softer look every passing second.

I try to look away, my heartbeat beating faster under the shadow of intimacy and the level of closeness but I can't, I can't help but get lost in the shades of his eyes , those innocent yet sinful eyes.

"Baby, I got you a surprise." Shawn says slithering his hands into the jacket lying on the other side. He pulls back from the moment and gets a ring box.

"I know I said I'll give it to you after you visit Bianca but I just couldn't wait!" he says excitedly.
He takes hand softly and places the ring box on my palm.
I look at the box and I look at him..
"Open it!" He says too readily.
I open the box and it's a ring. Yay! No surprise there.
It isn't a engagement ring, disappointed but relieved.

I. Love. It  I say to Shawn as I'm striving to remove it. He stops me and says, "here, let me." he takes the ring with my left hand and shifts his focus from the ring and asks, just like a gentleman," may I?
I say, yes you may!" he places it on my index finger.

We both look at each other and smiles twice as wide as each other. He then points at the details of the ring, saying " that's my S and that's your A.
I think it's cute.
Why did you get me this? I ask shawn.
It's an apology as much as it is an early birthday present.
I daze confusingly.
He continues," while you were on the phone with Bianca, I got a text from Andrew, they moved up my tour dates and I am leaving early. I wouldn't be here on your birthday.
SHAWN Noo! I say angrily
The ring, sweetie the ring, it's so beautiful! He says to avoid the fight.
I mean he's right the ring, I melt right away looking at it.
Shawn chuckles and says under his breath  "WOMeN."

I heard that I say punching him in the stomach. I think that hurt me more.
There's going consequences for that my dear, he comes at me with claw hands, tickling me to death.
We were both laughing so hard, having the time of our lives.
Right now we're both panting, Shawn slides down and rests his head on my shoulders. He is almost asleep with murmuring something about missing me and Mr. And Mrs. Mendes. 

I text bee, saying that I'm going to Shawn's and will explain later.

I go back in my thoughts. I am such an idiot to even think of being proposed by Shawn, deep down we are  both engaged, we both know we're not gonna be able to stay without each other but we have to.

Circumstances are such cruel mistakes, God puts in way of almost everything.

Our careers are a crucial part of the building life, the motions we go through and there's no denying shawn has been working really hard to reach at the top. Past year seeing Shawn making music, inspired me to apply for kingsworth baking school in Paris. Yes in Paris, miles away from pickering. Shawn is gonna be devasted to hear that but I know my baby and in the end he'd be agreeing what's good for me. I am so grateful for tonight. Got lot of uncleared junk  cleared from mind and I am looking forward for the results of the kingsworth admission test and so not looking forward for Shawn's tour.

My mind cannot adjust, my stomach cannot digest and my heart cannot handle the fact that staying together is gonna break us up, keep us miles apart, somehow.