| Teenage Dirtbag Z.M. |

1

Anxiety gripped at me constantly, choking and tearing me into microscopic pieces. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. All the voices in my head just laughed when I tried.

Just chill.

They say it like it's so easy. Like every particle and atom in my body isn't yelling at me. Telling me that I care too much or did too little. Just chill, right?

How can you chill when all you've ever known is the heat of your own brain cells fighting against one another? I've been searching eighteen years and still haven't found the cure.

Please let me know when you find one.

"Stop." A teenage dirtbag with pretty eyes says. I stop my feet abruptly, apologizing with my eyes for having disturbed him. My hands then turned to a pencil, which I began tapping. I did not notice this until he turned to me with a scowl.

"You're mad annoying, stop."

I blush and nod, putting the pencil on the floor and crossing my legs to stop the incessant tapping. If you listened closely, that was the sound of my head. A discord between different harmonies, pacing back and forth until the orchestra in my brain exhausted.

Stupid burn out, focus!

"Why don't you ever talk?" He asked, turning around again to look into my eyes. Mine soon fell the floor, heart rate increasing and palms becoming sweaty. Why did he have to talk to me?

"I do... when it's necessary." I mumble, hands tapping against one another. This boy made me nervous. In all honesty, most people did. The chorus at church, the crowds at football games, my friends hanging out people I barely know, parties, family events.. everything stresses me out and there's no end to any of it.

"What's your name again?"

Ha ha. Very funny.

"Lucrezia VanBusten." I say, keeping my gaze low until I heard his laugh. My eyes wandered up quickly, before flickering back down.

"That's a mouth full."

"So I've heard." I say, quickly closing my laptop and putting it away in my back pack. Being there.. and talking with this boy.... This boy with pretty eyes and a hockey scholarship that could only do one thing. It made me light headed.

"Where you going?"

"To my dorm."

"That sounds like an invite." He smirks. I turn to him abruptly.

"Never in your wildest dreams." I say before sneaking out of the auditorium through the back.

"What about in my normal dreams?" He asks, just as I thought I'd be left alone. I opened the door, stepping out into the warm California air. I inhaled deeply, thumb on neck to check my pulse.

"Lucrezia?" He called, following after me as I walked away from campus.

"She's not here today. Would you like to leave a message?"

"Yea, tell her I think she's mad hot and should bounce away on my dick rather than on the floor or some desk."

I sucked in another breath, head spinning from his words. "Lu.. you can talk now. Nothing to be scared of. I don't bite."

I couldn't stop the scoff from escaping my lips. "Nothing to be scared of.." I say, more to myself than to him.

"Lu..."

"Zayn I'm serious leave me alone. I can't even breathe when you're around."

"Some things don't change huh?" He smirked. I guess that half smile is one of the things that never change.

"I can't breathe.. just not in the good way anymore. Please go." I plead, voice breaking and shaking with every syllable. The hurt in my heart just explodes whenever I was near him.

He embodies everything I despise in the world. He was privileged and sexist, while extremely good looking and charming in the way he could get away with anything. He slept with more girls I can begin to count, and has never settled down once in his life. I sincerely doubt he ever plans to. I have known him all my life. I loved him for more than half, resenting him for the rest.

"Fine. I just wanted to fuck you anyways."

Yeah, he was right. Some things don't change.