Once upon a time there were three bears who lived in the woods. But nobody cares because there is a much more interesting story to read here about how yogscast learned about their soul-cookies.
It all started with Simon out in the streets picking amoungst the trash, looking for some inspirational content so he could reinvigorate interest in his long neglected video series, "Tekkit". He has been at it for several hours, the hot sun beating down on him, causing rivers of yog-sweat to form and dribble down his hairy back. Although he had picked up many wind strewn nespapers and dicarded letters, he still could not find anything which he felt was worthy of
the "Tekkit" franchise.
'B52 bomber found of mars'? - not interesting enough.
'small kid with many boils discovers a cure for cancer?" - yawn!
'dear mr Smith, please pay your phone bill" (that was one of the discarded mails). interesting, but only good for a couple of episodes- No!, he needed something more and he was starting to get frustrated.
Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and Simon immediately realized he had slipped through a yoghole and that some mysterious unseen power had yanked the chain, flushing him and his reality down though a porcelain yog-bend.
The world he knew started to slip away, as quickly as the girls had whenever he expressed an interst in them.
What came to replace his reality was a pebbly beach- he immediately (but incorrectly) guessed that he was on a beach in germany. Just as he was starting to get his bearings, practising German phrases he dimly remembered from lessons as a child, a sea lion waddled and pounded over the pebbles next to him.
"What are you doing here?" said Simon, knowing, deep down, that cheap fanfiction stories allowed him to talk to animals
"Oink Oink" said the sea lion, making Simon feel for a moment that perhaps this fanfiction might be of a higher quality, and that sea lions were unable to make intellegent conversation.
but then the sealion spoke "You dont know me Simon, but I know you- and I have some important information for you!"
the Sea lion had a twinkle in his eyes, and a devilish twitch to his whiskers as he continued
"Simon, Simon - I need to tell you about your soul cookies! Everyone has a soul cookie, which lives and breathes in this alternative dimension. The cookie sums up everything about you- And I am here to tell you about your soul cookies, and the terrible danger which is about to occur unless you take action!"
Simon stared, wide eyed at the sea lion, instinctively certain that the large, seafaring mammal spoke the truth. In fact he was so stunned, and so wide eyed, he kind of stood there for an awkwardly long time.
The sea lion looked up at him with his shiny black eyes.
Simon looked at the sea lion, shocked at all that had just happened, steeling himself for the burden of holding some forbidden knowledge about the soul-cookies
The sea lion looked up at him with his shiny black eyes.
Simon looked at the sea lion, and eventually nodded, knowing it was time to learn the truth...
END OF CHAPTER 1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE TRUTH IS, YOU WILL NEED TO WAIT UNTIL CHAPTER 2 TO LEARN THE TRUTH.
Meanwhile, lets go back to the other story, which suddenly seems quite a lot more interesting than soul cookies. Well, to summarize *that* story :In the woods where the three bears were living a young blonde girl got too close to their house and was mauled into a meaty blob that looked a bit like the minced beef you can find in any in any supermarket.
