Untitled Part 1

1

You looked out of the open window, sitting on your window-sill. Listening to the calm sounds of the night.
There's nothing you love more than that.
Hearing the night.
Feeling the slightly cold breeze of the night on your skin.
You prefered the calm and mysterious side of the city. Your side.
You didn't like traffic and noise, you liked to be on your own.
But at the same time, you wanted someone.
Someone, who could be at your side.
Someone, who could understand you.
Someone, you could trust.
Even if you didn't believe, this particular „someone" would exist, the thought of it still didn't let you go.

You put on music and tried to distract yourself.
It's started to work, but short after a yawn escaped from your mouth, you started to feel tired.
You closed your window and draw the curtains.
Looking at the mirror while you brushed your teeth, you looked at your tired face.
Your eyes looked so dark and so emotionless.
So dead.
You remembered why.
It suddenly hit you.
All the feelings you kept inside, the feelings you ignored.
You had been numb, so the pain would end.
But you couldn't just ignore them, It haunted you.
And it always will.
„It's all because of him"
He made you the happiest girl.
The girl, that the others became jealous of.
Everyone thought you were perfect together, but they never knew, that he was the one, who made you drown in your tears.
He gave you joy and love but whenever he wanted, took it right away.
He was toxic and he was pain.
But you craved for the poison, you craved for the pain.
These were the only things you ever felt with someone. You thought it was normal.
He could do anything to you, cause he knew, that you always came back to him.
You're always giving him love, too much love.
Now you're the one crying, cause he won't change. Or you won't.
And still, you stay, cause you're sick for the only thing you have, his love.

You changed your clothes, laid on your bed and looked at the ceiling.
You heard the calm and mysterious sounds of the night before you drifted away.