The Lonely Road

September 12, 2018

My name is Simon Melenski, and I'm a freshman in North Dakota.

It's been about two weeks since my freshman year of high school has started, and I'm ready to end it all. I've been considering suicide for years; I've been caught cutting myself multiple times. I've been in the psych-ward more than 5 times for attempting to kill myself. Twice for trying to overdose myself on pain meds, once  for trying to jump off a bridge, and about two times for trying to hang myself.

Keith has been a douche to me since the fifth grade. He pushed me into the most popular girl in school, Bethany Willis. She looked at me like just pimped slapped her, and she scratched my cheek.

When my parents ask why I had a scratch on my face, I just said I fell. Like hell, that worked fan-fucking-tastic.

My dad bought  me a weight set so I can, "learn how to defend myself." I never use it, and my dad is always pissed at me. He's yelling at me for not using it.

I said to him, "I didn't spend my money on this hunk of shit."

As soon as those words left my mouth, everything went dark.

Then I woke up in an ambulance dazed and confused. The first thing I asked was, "Whe-- where am I?"

"Your father said you fell off the roof doing the gutters. Hang tight kid, we're almost there. Get my another ice pack stat!", yelled the EMT.

Eventually CPS got involved, the school never believed the gutter story. The school called about three days after I got back from the hospital. Almost everyday for two weeks, my and mom went to court against my father.

On the last day, the judge sentenced him twelve years; without possibility of parole. I dread the day he gets released. But until then, I'll try to enjoy it without his cockiness.

He used to tease me for wearing glasses, my freckles, and my lack of strength. That's why one of the times I tried to overdose. And he also teases me for trying to kill myself. Saying that I should deal with it, I'm a little "chicken-shit", and that I was a mistake.

Since he called me all these things, that's why I want to die. He is the main reason I want to die. The reason for my depression, the reason I have such low self-esteem, the reason I have NO self-confidence.