In a place far away
Where forgotten memories lie
You'll find me torn in two
But time did not choose to stay,
Oh how the time flies
While connected to the tubes.
I cannot say anything.
You wouldn't understand.
So I'll leave you be and hope I didn't break you too.
You deserve to be happy, but if it's impossible with me...
I forfeit.
I suppose that will have to do.
It's been too long, locked in the labyrinth of snow.
Too long being conscious, but no one could know.
Too long while connected to the tubes.
Just know my heart still belongs to you.
Always.
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I'm sure you won't see this, and that's fine.
You know who you are
Well, maybe not, since I've changed my username...
My Shaaa...
But that's okay.
Everyone would probably see me as dishonest if I tried to explain, or they'd say I'm lying...
I wouldn't say I'm lying about an accident that took out a decent chunk of time from this year.
I wouldn't lie about something that would make it impossible for me to log on and talk to the people who make me happy.
And the person who made me the happiest.
The only person who held my heart with love, compassion, and caution.
...
But it's been too long. I'm afraid to confront and explain.
I don't want to experience it, it'd be too hard on me.
So, I'd like to move on with this forced distance between us...
But I will always love you.
I will always love how you found so much time with such a busy schedule to help me experience love.
No one else has ever wrapped me in such a comforting warmness before, a warmth that soon became necessary for me to function.
I wish the accident never happened. Then, there wouldn't be so much time lost.
I'm not sure what you think as of now... If you'll think of me and remember good memories...
But since I've woken up, all I thought about was you and the time that has passed without being able to say anything.
Without being able to express how much I love you and wish that I could be there by your side,
how much I hate myself for not being there by you...
How much I hate myself for falling in love with you, and letting you fall in love with me.
You have probably gone through so much pain... The same pain I promised to heal...
We used to say two broken hearts make a whole... Do you remember that? I do...
But now, are we even half a heart, or just dust?
Or have you found someone else while everything happened?
As much as my heart aches to say this... I hope you did.
I hope you found someone beautiful and fun and caring, someone less self conscious and smart, your ideal type...
Maybe someone at the medical college you were do excited to go to, hah... I remember that...
I hope you found a precious lady that you could share your beanies with, that you could give that giant stuffed panda to...
I really want you to be happy, since you've made me so happy... I just regret not being able to give you more...
I'm really tired right now, so I'm going to get some rest... And wipe this disgusting snot from my face, lol.
I love you... So much... Everything about you, I love it all...
But I'd love it even more if you could forgive me and move on happily with someone deserving of the love that I treasured so much... A love unmatchable to any other. The love of a pure and perfect man. <3
I love you, Shaaa... I know you probably won't see this... But if you do... I ask of you not to reply... I don't think I'd be able to take it, taking a direct reply from you...
I'll probably break down a sobbing mess, and I want to be strong from now on...
Haha, I want to be ready if you'll ever take me back... :')
Anyway, goodbye... I love you... <3
Always.
