Promise You || NCT Dream FF

7

The room is black, no light peaking through window or door. The lights are off in the room and it's almost as if all light has been turned off across the entire world. Almost as though they have died along with me.

The room is deadly silent, not even the sound of my thumping heart and ragged breathes can be heard. There is no quiet chatter outside the door, no tiptoeing across wooden floor boards, no water running, no nothing. Everyone is asleep. All but me.

This silence, this darkness, this emptiness, it seems to be following me around everywhere I go. It finds me no matter where I turn of hide. Or it could just be me over thinking and exaggerating. I am not sure any more. I can't even tell the difference between dream and reality. 

"Yo Dream..." I voiced weakly into the endless void in search if that little light.

No light appeared.

No one replied.

"Yo Dream" I strained, forcing the words out for my throat.

Again I got no reply.

"Yo Dream" I cried. I cried into that endless void, my rapid breathing and sobbing becoming aubable in the once soundless dorm.

My heart began to run at lightning speed, heat wrapping around my body,  breath labored, shaking making it's awaited entrance. The world is blurry, loud and it's moving in circles. The dizzyness engulfs me, eating me whole, I begin to panic.

What was originally a sitting position turns into a fetus position. Knees touching chest, back curved, neck strained; the shaking is still there, prominent as ever, intesifying by the second. My focus shifts, my senses dull - the pain enters. It starts at my chest and spreads. It spreads where it knows it will hurt the most.

My dulled senses turn into nothing. The muffled sounds of my urgent cries have gone silent, my sight has morphed into black, the salt running down my face is tasteless, the throbbing pain has now become so bad I can't even feel it. But I know it's still there. I know it's still happening.

My body is getting used to all of this. I am not sure what to lable it; a panic attack? An anxiety attack?  Something else? But that void is still there, even with all this anguish, that emptiness still lingers, drowning me, filling me with darkness.

I am not sure how long I lay there and I have definitely lost count of how many times I've found my self in this position but those thoughts are tucked away far into the back of my mind. The front line of my thoughts, the ones fighting to win, push past my conscience, gain the lead, the ones filled with nothing but self loathing and pure disgust sit comfortably between my creased eyebrows, their comfort a complete contrast to my constant displeasure. I am pitiful.

"Yo Dream" I croaked out, leaving me more breathless than ever, my tears falling harder, my senses leaving my body completely.

It's never hurt this bad. It always hurt but this feels as though I am being ripped apart limb by limb like an animal trapped in a laboratory. I feel like an animal. No human would be acting the way I am now. No human shakes this vigorously. No human cries as pathetic as me. No human allowes themselves to feel such pain. No human gives them self's such pain.

The room is back to how it was. Silent. Dark. Empty. But with the edision of me laying on my bed, waiting for death to consume me. If death means this pain, the feeling, the emptiness goes away, then I want to die. I want to die.

"Yo Dream" a mere whisper leaves me parted lips.

"Jjeoro, Juja, fighting" a mere whisper replies.

And suddenly I can breathe.

I hardly feel the pair of arms threading around my torso, the nose tucking it self into the ends of my hair, hands finding my clenched fists and holding them, lacing fingers between my own.