Homestuck One Shots

Straddle the Strider

"David Elizibeth Strider, I swear on God's green earth that if you go to that roof one more time today JUST TO STRIFE, you're loosing your cuddle privileges." I said, not exactly calmly or kindly to my boyfriend, who was already at the bedroom door, ready to leave. Again.
"Aight, aight, aight but baby. You gotta understand darlin', when bro calls, I come. It's a Strider thing." Dave said.
He tries so hard to be cool, with his glasses and turn tables and demenor. What a prick.
   "Aw c'mon...don't do the face."
I did the face. Then i turned my back on him, and cuddled my self up in a cucoon of sorts with blankets.
  "Haha fuck yeah...I am adoreable. Any second now and he'll rush into my arms. Any second.." I thought.
    Unfortunately, you heard the latch to the roof *click*; signalling that he had left to strife with a god-damn puppet.
"FUCK YOU STRIDER!" I yelled, hopefully loud enough for him to hear, as I gathered my things and stormed out of Dave's apartment.

~~~~~~~Three hours later~~~~~~~

"Round two. I can do this. Walk in, give out, get his attention and then leave him wanting more."
   I suppose the pep talk to nobody was supposed to help my nerves, but truely I knew that it was all bullshit. I'd walk in, cry and apologise for being bitchy and leave a mess.

                          *Click*
I opened the door, and the first thing I heard was the TV. I smelled doritos and apple juice, and saw a sleeping boyfriend.
    The room was a mess, as per usual, with empty wrappers thrown around and smuppets everywhere on the floor. The pungent aroma of what I seriously hoped is apple juice lingered unpleasently, and the snores of Dave were far from gentle or quiet.
  I got a wicked idea to mess with him, as he had royally pissed me off earlier on by pulling the "When Bro calls-" card.
  To begin I threw out all the apple juice I could find, replacing it with fanta lemonade. I was going to use pee, but then I remembered I didn't want to get dumped tonight. Then I hide all of his swords, taking them from the kitchen to the bathroom. Next time he uses a shower he's in for a spikey surprise. Finally, I got changed into one of Dirk's shirts and a small pair of his pants. He hates when Dirk messes  with me, and to sweeten the deal, I wore a pair of Dirk's shades.
  "Oh David...you never should have fallen asleep.".
    Slowly, so I wouldnt wake him, I crept up behind the sofa where he lay, snores rattelling the house. Then, once safely behind and out of sight, I began to tap him gently...at first. Soon it turned to a full on slap, but the bastard stayed sleeping!
  "Fuck you Strider....jesus".

Well, not much else I can do. I could just do plan B...

I gave up with subtlity, and lept over the side of the couch and sat, straddeling Dave. Running my fingers through his hair, I really did think he might wake up.

The snores were relentless, endless and getting more and more irritating as the minutes ticked by.

Hmmmmm. My hands are quite cold, and honestly this is getting ridiculus. Who does this douchebag think he is?!

A wicked smirk placed upon my lips, I put my hands under Dave's shirt and made my way up his torso, eventually getting rid of it all together. I sighed upon seeing his bare chest, the slight appirition of his six pack, it made me drool a tad.
  I placed a hand over his heart, feeling it beat, a constant bad-um, bad-um, bad-um. It was an inimate moment I never wanted to break, the silence was comforting, welcome even. Just being here, in the stillness, with Dave...it was a perfect moment.
Which he ruined by waking up.
  At first he was confused, I could see it in his eyes. Then his expression flashed to one of anger, but surprisingly, it turned again to joy.
  "Well, I could get used to waking up with you on top of me." he said with a smirk, the southern drawl only making your blush worse.
  "However...those clothes? They aren't working. Wear this instead".
Dave handed me his discarded shirt and had managed to wriggle out of his jeans, so I was sat on a nearly naked Strider.
   God I hope Dirk doesnt walk in on us.

I smirked, and lifted up my shirt to change into Dave's, pants were already halfway down my legs because they were three times too large. I could feel Dave staring at me, this wasn't the sort of thing I did a lot.
Just as I had stared at him, he was now doing the same to me.
  The shirt was almost over my head when I felt a head resting on my shoulder.
"You were serious about the 'fuck you strider' thing earlier, right?" Dave asked with lust dripping off his every word.
I grinned, and threw the shirt halfway across the room, and kissed Dave like never before. It was hot, and heavy. His tounge was inside my mouth and the next minute he was kissing my neck, leaving bites as he went down. He stopped at my torso, and flipped me over so he was now the one in control.
  "Fuck me Strider~"