My Everything

4

"Whoa, your place is, uh... cozy..."
"It's cramped, I know," Dan said. "Don't exactly have a lot of money, y'know?"
"Ah, so that's why I'm still around," I teased.
"Funny," he said. "I'm gonna go put her to bed. Make yourself comfortable."

I looked around the living room, dumbfounded. There were baby toys, play mats, and god knows what else scattered everywhere. I narrowly avoided stepping on a fluffy duck as I made my way over to the sofa.

"Sorry it's a mess. Didn't get a chance to clean before I left for the wedding. Also didn't think I'd be coming home with a fiancé," he huffed.
"It's alright," I lied.
"You okay?"
"I mean... no, not really..."
"What's wrong?"
"This is a lot... I just thought I was asking this hot twink to marry me... not a fucking dad."
"Be careful what you wish for, Lester." He got up to head for the kitchen. "I'm about to make lunch. Do you want anything in particular?"
"No."
"Do you wanna go home?"
"No..."

***

That night, I decided to stay with Dan in his cramped flat. We laid on different sides of the bed, hesitant to really go near one another. In the midst of his sleep, he rolled over onto me—his arm was draped across my torso and his head rested on my chest. I hovered my trapped, left hand over him and eventually rested it on his back.

This is weird.

Then, Vivien started crying. Dan woke up in a hurry and I quickly pulled my hand away. I rolled over and tried going to sleep, but Dan carried the baby into the room. He sat down and laid against the headboard as he fed the infant.

"Phil, are you awake?" he asked.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"Can you keep me company while I feed her?"
"What do you usually do?"
"Watch tv... please, Phil?"
"Fine," I sighed as I rolled over. "How long does this take? Ten, fifteen minutes?"
"Try forty to forty-five."
"Jesus Christ," I groaned. "Does she not eat again till the morning?"
"No, when she's done, she usually gets up again in like three hours."
"Why would you ever want one of these?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "I guess I've always just wanted to be a dad."
"Weirdo," I teased.
"You're the weirdo for not wanting kids."
"I don't think so."
"Well, I do." He looked to her and smiled. "Do you wanna try feeding her?"
"Oh, no, I'm good."
"Fine," he shrugged. "Your loss."

Another couple hours passed and before I knew it, Dan was up to feed the baby again. I rolled over, yet again, and pretended I was asleep so I didn't have to deal with the baby nonsense. After about thirty minutes, Dan started tapping my shoulder profusely.

"What?" I mumbled.
"Hey, I have to pee. Would you mind feeding her while I go?"
"I think you know the answer to that."
"Phil, please. You literally just have to hold her and the bottle for a minute."
"Fine, whatever."

I sat up against the headboard and reluctantly held my hands out for the kid. As he passed her over, he could tell that my body was tensing up.

"Relax, honey," he said. "Okay, so just hold her head in the crook of your elbow and hold the bottle at a forty-five degree angle." He adjusted my body accordingly before he let go completely. "Yeah, there y'go," he smiled. "Okay I'll be back in a minute, minute and a half tops."

He rolled out of bed and I was left holding the drowsy infant. I blinked aimlessly at her as she sucked away the the nipple of the bottle. We made eye contact and she immediately began smiling and giggling. The bottle fell out of her mouth and she started reaching for me—not knowing what to do, I tried putting it back in.

"Hey, thanks," Dan said. I didn't respond. "Phil?" Nothing. "Phil?"
"She's smiling, what do I do?"
"Let her smile? I don't know," he chuckled. "Trust me, she'll let you know when she wants more food."
"Can you take her back?"
"And risk her crying after taking her away from you? No way."
"Dan," I hissed.
"What? Do you wanna deal with a fussy baby?"
"No," I frowned. She grabbed onto my pajama sleeve and laughed as she pulled on it.
"She really likes you."
"Yeah... she does..."
"In all seriousness, I can take her back. I'll just face her towards you."
"No, it's, um... it's fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," I whispered, "I don't mind."