Behind The Lights

You're hurting me

After a long discussion with my sister and convincing her that moving in with Jason is something I actually wanted to do when the truth is I'm doing it for him. I hate that I'm lying to one of the closest people to me but I really don't have a choice. She helped me pack most of my stuff and then I got Tiana to help me with the rest.

My sister was easy to lie to but Tiana, not so much. At the same time, she never really like Jason from the beginning. As much as she thought Zac was kind of a player and all that, she was always a team Zac. My conversations with Tiana was always like this "I don't feel good about this guy Jess. He seems too secretive Jess. Is he treating you right Jess?" And yes most of the things she feels about him is valid but that's also cause she doesn't know him the way I do. I know his hurts and his past. I know that he is the way he is because of it and I know that he's trying and I love him.

"Hey, babe... you want something to drink?" Jason asks walking into the kitchen as I'm seated at the counter replying some work emails.

"Nah, I'm good," I say. I've officially moved in here with him a week now and this whole playing house thing is so not my thing at all. This is something I'm not for but as usual, I caved. Sometimes I feel like that strong confident and independent women is gone but that's okay right if it's for true love? Doesn't love, change people? Isn't it about putting someone else's happiness before yours?

"This isn't too bad right?" Jason says into my ears from behind me, I hadn't even realized he had moved from the kitchen. He wraps his huge arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder, I knew he was referring to us living together.

"It's okay I guess." I say shrugging.

"What do you mean it's okay you guess? Aren't you happy being with me?" Jason ask. Still holding me from behind.

"Do you really care about what makes me happy?" I snap before thinking.

He freezes for a few seconds and I start second thinking what I'd just said. He spins the counter chair I'm sitting on, around so I'm now facing him and I nervously look up to meet his eyes.

"What are you saying? That you're not happy being with me?" He questions in a tone that made me slightly nervous as he caresses my cheek. I avoid eye contact and stare at his chest that's at my eye level. Jason has done all sort of things to me before, shout, break things around us, squeeze me till I bruise, but the one thing he's never done, or maybe, not yet done, is hit me. But everytime I make him mad, I have a sense that it might happen anytime. And knowing the strength this guy has, if he hits me, I will with no doubt, break my jaw or nose or something. I shiver at that thought.

"Hey, I'm asking you a question." He almost whispers, taking my chin in the tip of his thumb and pointer, tilting it up to face him. I look at him for a little while, his eyes were so kind. Why don't they look like this all the time? sometimes I look in them and see pure darkness causing me to forget if he's still the same guy I fell in love with and then there are times like right now, where its so calming and loving, these are the same eyes that sometimes make me forget why I was even mad at him.

"I've got work to do Jason. These emails won't answer themselves." I say sarcastically brushing his hand away and turning back to face my laptop but he shocks me when he violently spins me back to face him, gripping my jaw hard in his massive palm and just like that, those dark eyes came back, he bends down to meet my eyes coming extremely close to my face, I could feel my heart beating as my jaw begins to hurt. I try to prey his fingers but he doesn't budge. Maybe it's just me, maybe I am the one always waking up the devil in him.

"J..Jason, you're hurting me." I struggle to say in between fear and pain.

"You don't want to test me, Jessica..... I love you and I'm willing to give you the world if you wanted it but don't you ever test me or I swear I'd..." his sentence is cut off by the sound of the buzzing, someone was downstairs and wanted to come up. He turns to look at the elevator and back at me and I'm frozen, my body doesn't move at all. He let's go of my face and places a kiss on the top of my head as he walks to the front door leaving me seated here all shaken and confused. What did he mean by "if I test him, he'd.." he'd what? Hurt me? Would he hurt me?