Nocturnal Reveries: A DiYue One Shot Collection

To Wang He Di

"Are we really not close?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said we weren't close, when Yang Zi asked you. I saw it in one of the episodes."

Dylan and I had been constantly exchanging messages in WeChat for some time now. It sprang out of nowhere, but it started a few weeks after the last recording of 'The Inn'. I was initially reluctant to maintain this kind of exclusive connection with him, but I eventually saw no use in resisting.

"Friends talk to each other constantly" became my plain defense, but as time went by, my own wall broke itself and I knew I was investing way too much time messaging him than I should.

"We have a weird bond. I'll leave it at that."

"So we have a special connection?"

"I wouldn't say special, but I like your company. It's easy, not awkward hahaha."

"Okay? Fine. But what else do you like me?"

His question reverberated in my consciousness like an overplayed tune. I wasn't aware of the amount of rationality needed to address this kind of query. I stared at the screen of my phone, trying to construct an answer that is lucid but isn't giving away anything that might mislead him.

But 15 minutes passed and I still couldn't come up with anything.

"Shen Yue?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Hello?"

"You still there?"

I received these messages one after the other at different intervals and I started to panic. It was a simple question that demanded a simple answer but I was at a loss for words. I realize now, that it's because what he has done for me far outweighs the many things that I like about him.

I knew it was going to come to this. The moment he messaged me and I decided to engage, I knew this was going to happen. That's why I built a wall — I made it entirely friendly in the beginning, only wanting to talk about our careers and our shared experiences. What I've learned about him when we were filming this reality show was already immensely impactful to me that I didn't want to give him the chance to get to know me on a much deeper level. I tried to shut the door on him but failed. Miserably.

Before I knew it, we were talking about everything, and I meant everything. Stuff we didn't dare converse about before, topics we didn't even know anything about, and a massive amount of personal things that should have been left unbeknownst to the both of us.

But it was a delight to hear his thoughts and to wait for his retorts. From his unyielding admiration for LeBron James, my favorite books, our shared love for animals to our different tastes in music—all of it—has built up to this moment.

I put the phone in my chest and stared at the ceiling as I was lying in bed. I had to give myself time. I'm renouncing what I said earlier: It was indeed a simple question, but it required more than a simple answer. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Fortunately, it was a long day for me so I was able to fall into a deep slumber immediately.