Quiet Thunder

21:30

This deep in the sea, the sunlight is merely a diffused glow, and the golden rays are slowly disappearing the deeper I go.

My senses are altered, this world is completely different, and the water whispers its secrets to me like welcoming a long lost friend. Here I have no weight, I am free and not restrained by any forces, my body can glide in any direction like a bird so confident that it is not afraid that it will fall. Brine tickles my elbows and my legs, and rocks are silhouettes against the dimness, in this part of the water. My hair is dispersed around my head like a little kid's drawing of the sun.

I've always been looking for another world and now I've found it. I open my mouth and watch as the little bubbles flow out of my mouth,

I am breathing.

I am alive.

Coral rises like gothic architecture and I stare stunned by the enticing and ever changing panorama.

All I can see when I look up is the shimmering top of the water, and I know that I am finally alone, away from judgement and falsehood.

I pull of my clothes one by one and let them float to the surface of the water, souvenirs for whom it may concern and then I look down at the little chain around my neck, bringing it to my lips.

I'm coming.

This is my place. I have this place all to myself. I am far away from the world, and I am forced to see myself for who I really am.

Am I bad person? Have I done anything good?

All I know is that right now, I am me. I am natural. Everything is effortless.

A lonesome fish passes by me as if undeterred by my presence. Here I am also insignificant, yet, I'd rather be invisible to someone than be visible and not understood.

The briny blue vastness of the sea is home now.

I want to rest for I am so tired. My limbs are weary and my heart is as cold as the frosty water.

I close my eyes and pretend that I am a fish, uncaring and free.

I pretend that I can be me, that I have found the other side.

I pretend that I can breathe here and maybe I will.

Maybe I'll be able to join this world.

I close my eyes and pretend to breathe.

-14th December (9:30 pm)

A/N: goddammit I just don't know what to do anymore.