Memories of Sea

Chapter 1/4

Even until now, her life is only filled with a tear and a smile.

The first time she saw him, she felt spring and autumn were coming at the same time. Whenever he walked on a bright morning, when their school was hardly filled with the running students, she could see mists around the latter sparkling together with the sunshine. Fascinating...

She liked his smile. Just like the sea where's outspread not so far from their school. Breathtaking. The more you see, the more you could be drowned into them. She could even notice the latter among the crowds as if he was the only one who was glowing.

The first time she saw him, why did she feel spring and autumn were coming at the same time? Bloomed then withered. Because that person's heart was already in someone's embrace.

Meghan Gretchen. Fell in love for the first time and trapped in a despair at the same time. And that person was Kai Carter. Maybe because his name means 'Sea,' so he chose to study in Florida. Meghan wasn't quite sure either.

How she wished fate could be going as she wanted. How she wished she could be in the same class with him. But even after they entered the high school which also placed near the east sea, there was no coincident happened for them to meet face to face. As if they never be fated even for merely sharing a glance. As if they would never mean to be anything.

All Meghan could do was watching him from a far. Sometimes she wondered if her previous life was just like the little mermaid who couldn't confess her love to the prince until she was dissolved into foam.

Meghan was afraid of rejection. People might often say that to get over an unrequited love, you should confess your feeling first to let out your burden away then started a new. But She couldn't bring herself to do it. She was a stranger to him. It looked so easy reading the tips in dating book, but everyone would agree and think twice to confess their feeling to the person who was too far to reach, too famous to risk your school life to be a laughing stock if you're rejected. Meghan wasn't ready to face a possibility to see the disgusting face that might be drawn on Kai's face.

She was just making excuses. She knew.

She was afraid Kai in her imagination was far from reality. Kai's just human. He might have flaws. But for Meghan, he's perfect. Everyone would agree with her. And she was comfortable being in a distance. Buried between what those Kai's friends called sea of nerds.

Meghan didn't want to be addressed as a stalker. That's why she never followed him everywhere he went. She didn't collect Kai's pictures just like his fan club members did. She didn't write even a single anonymous love letter to him nor she gave him a long stare like his other admirers used to do every time they spot him in the soccer field or when he sang in the school festivals.

Because...

She felt quite enough only by walking on the footprints Kai had made to go home after school.

She felt quite enough only by recording his image when she closed her eyes and breathed the air of the east sea as if Kai were standing in front of her.

Then she would whisper her secret poems to the wind. Hoping it would send their echoes to Kai somewhere.

She just felt quite enough by stealing a mere glance to the latter while playing in soccer field through the library's window.

Meghan was different. She wanted to think she's different. Sometime she tried to convince herself that it might not be love. The fact that she had never be desperate enough to pursue him proved it. Or maybe it's only her way to protect herself from being hurt.

Even until now, her life is only filled with a tear and a smile.

How hurt you would feel when the love of your life was never meant to be yours and there's someone else on his side instead of you? Seven years harbored that love and not even a chance happened. They were too different in everything. Never in the same space. Same middle school and high school, yet she was not sure did he even know her name. Meghan felt hurt. Very hurt until there's no place in her heart to be stabbed and stabbed by the needles of sorrow. Because it's already bleeding from the beginning she realized there's no chance for her to get in the frame of Kai's life.

Melissa Ronald. Kai's woman. The love of his life.

They were well-known as a perfect couple since middle school. How unfortunate for Meghan that the moment she fell in love was when it's the first day that couple started their relationship. How an invisible organ in her chest shrunk like a balloon losing its air by watching them intertwined their hands and smiled to each other as if the world was only for their own.

She had no chance.

She didn't have a wavy blonde hair like hers. Eyes were sparkling like a rainbow. A pointy nose. A fascinate smile. A soothing voice. Normal guys would definitely fall for her in the first glance and every girls in school would envy her.

How Meghan wished it was her whose hair was caressed by Kai, cheeks were cupped by his palms, eyes were locked with his eyes, and lip was kissed by his lip. How she wished she could feel those moments even in her dream. But sadly, even the dream world hardly took a pity on her to let the imaginary Kai entering her dream.

Feeling Kai's presence from a far was enough for Meghan but unfortunately he also had to feel Melissa's presence beside Kai where ever he went. It resulted her heart was like having pressed by a grinder that covered by thousand spikes whenever she coincidentally saw their public displays of affection. But strangely, her stubborn mind kept ignoring her brain's command to stop that pain and letting her entered the same high school as that couple.

Meghan attended the same music class as them. There were too many students who applied in the class that the teacher had to separate them into two shifts. Yes, they never in the same room. Before her class started, she would hear someone played a piano. Girls were peaking through a window and in an awe watching the players. Whispering how cool Kai was playing the piano together with his girlfriend. She didn't join them. She already knew how they would look playing together. She said her neck would hurt as an excuse and chose to mindlessly playing the recorder in her hand.

She hoped she could end this feeling. Watching they were walking out from the class, hand in hand, her small head on his shoulder. That feeling stood its existence even more. Still blooming and shrinking at the same time. She thought about to quit the class. But she loved it already despite of the reason why she applied to it. That became a routine. Starting her class after watching their lovey dovey moment, drowning herself in the lesson, then she would go to the east sea after school ended, to let out her hidden tears flowing out along with the sound of music from her recorder.

Even until now, her life is only filled with a tear and a smile.

~*to be continued*~

A.N: This is Unbetaed version. I am sorry for all the grammar mistakes. Feel free to correct me. Please kindly give some feedback about this story ^^.