terminal ↔ c.h.

1 day after

I walk past all the grief stricken faces. I ignore the 'I'm sorrys'. I ignore them all because, they didn't know her. They knew her name, and her jokes, that's all. I knew her, not the school and home girl. I knew the real her.

"Hey Lou right?" I stop walking and spin around to see who the strange voice belongs too. I nod. "I'm sorry." I almost groan, at the Asian looking boy in front of me. Instead I roll my eyes.

"Isn't everyone?" I ask, my words are harsh. I walk away from him. I ignore the teachers, I just do what is expected of me.

At lunch I stare at the seat before me, and imagine her laughing to some corny joke she found on Tumblr. What if I hadn't told her? She'd still be in front of me. Faking happiness, but she'd be there and I'd be here, and we'd both be here in the midst of the chaos going around. I bite at the school pizza absentmindedly.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" I purse my lips and put the pizza down. I look up at the Asian again.

"Sure I was just leaving." I grab my tray.

"I meant sit here with you." My cheeks feel like they're on fire. He sits and I sit back down. He smiles down at me. I force a smile. "Listen I'm-" I roll my eyes.

"If you're going to say I'm sorry save it." I lean back. He shakes his head. His brown eyes stare into mine. I feel something twist in my stomach.

"Okay." I furrow my eyebrows. He's actually going to not say 'I'm sorry?'

"Okay? Okay what?" I want to leave. I want to cry. I want to eat Nutella under my covers while listening to Sam Smith. I want to be able to live, not just simply survive before I die. Ouch. Before I die. Too soon.

"Okay, I won't say I'm sorry." I nod. "You're pretty." The unwanted blush makes an entrance on my cheeks.

"Thanks." He smiles. We don't talk much after that. Just stare and listen to the unnecessary yelling.