Afterthought

Teaser. Man Down

I'm just angry at the way you left me so broken without a second glance. How you left me begging for your love when it should be something that comes naturally. How you tore my heart and then shredded it too, just in case a little part wasn't completely ruined. And you got to walk away from it - us - without a scar in sight. You can say you're hurt as much as you like but there's a difference between saying it and feeling it. And my actions represented the hurt I felt from the explosion, my scars from your love depicted in battle wounds, on display as if trophies in a case.

How could you leave me so fractured?I was left powerless, emotionless, empty, completely numb. Because nothing I did would change your mind and nothing I said would bring your love back into my life. I feel so dumb for the amount of tears I've shed over losing you, someone who couldn't care any less. I don't understand how in the snap of your fingers you were able to erase everything. Every emotion, every word, every smile, every memory, every moment. All my happiness was wasted on someone who was just there to break down my guard. And when that plan was completed... well there was nothing making you stay. I don't get how everything between us could mean so little to you, how it could be so insignificant in your small bubble of life when it consumed every waking, and sleeping, moment of mine. The very air I breathed was tainted with a little part of you, the one thing of beauty getting me through the days, even the tough ones.

And then just like that you left me drowning, gasping for air that no longer existed. How could you be so cruel? Every now and then I remember something new to torture myself with. The worst is probably the reminders around me that never leave. The spot in my lounge where we used to cuddle while watching movies. The park bench where we shared our first kiss. The jumper still folded in my cupboard that smells of your cologne, tainted with your house smell. I used to think the easiest part would be not seeing you all the time, but it turns out every where I look I'm thrown back into a whirlwind of you. You and only you. Everywhere I turn.

I can't fully comprehend how you could hurt someone that you made feel so incredible when they felt small. Whose walls you built up when they were tumbling down at your feet. How could you possibly leave something so precious and fragile? Something you put all of your heart into, just to snatch it away when I thought I had a firm grasp on it? How could you leave your world?

Well I guess that's where I'm wrong. Clearly I wasn't your world, I was merely a planet in orbit, something to leave your radar after a short while. I was never enough to fill your heart with the amount of joy you gave mine.

That's it.

That's the problem.

I wasn't enough.

I was never enough.

I was never enough to be at the forefront of your mind.

No.

I was always just thrown to the back to lurk in the shadows.

And then you could pull me back into focus when you wanted me.

Yes, that's it.

I was never enough to be yours.

I was always just an afterthought.