pretend ; graser10

chapter ten ; truth?

Olivia

What is happening with Z? She hasn't replied to any of my messages. Now I have no one to vent out my feelings to, no one to fangirl with. Did I lose another one of my best friends?

I mean, assuming we are best friends...

This already happened a few days ago but she did reply after a while. The past three days, though, there's nothing. Kroo kroo, nothing.

Ivy : Z!

Ivy : You there bud?

Ivy : Awww. I miss you.

Ivy :  Reply whenever!

Ivy : Please respond baeeeee.

Ivy : I LUV U 2DAY

Ivy : Omg pls I fna.

I feel too clingy now. Is that why she stopped talking to me? Because I was too clingy? Because she found a replacement?

Ivy : I'm sorry. Are you mad?

I analyzed the text I just sent. Okay, something sounds wrong with that.

Wow, what the fuck, Olivia. You sound like a jealous girlfriend.

I hate this side of me. I'm clingy and assuming and annoying and selfish and agh! No wonder no one likes talking to me... Maybe I just shouldn't go to PAX.

No. I got a plane ticket, I'm not wasting that. I will meet the ones who have given me smiles and happiness throughout the past months. Maybe I should just pack my stuff. I am flying out in two days, anyway.

That didn't go too well...

I stared at the pile of clothes on the floor. There were all colors of flannels, shirts and sweaters lying on one side, about twenty bottoms on the other and all possible undergarments in the middle. The only thing I've done related to packing is picking my shoes. Basically, all I have in my suitcase is a pair of white Converse, gold sandals and black flats.

I groaned and collapsed on my bed. I looked up at my ceiling, thinking of all the possible things I could've done in my life.

Should I have strived more in school? Should I have been more interactive with humans? Should I have been a better daughter? A better sister? A better person in general?

I realized that throughout my life, I've never been satisfied. There was always something I needed. Most of the time, it was a friend.

I've not actually had a real best friend. Close friends, yes but, they just never stick around, you know? I don't know how having a best friend feels like so I just assume that everyone is my best friend.

And I assumed that Z is my best friend. I have this connection with her, which made me ask her name in the first place.

I don't even know if she feels the same way.

Why am I being so dramatic about Z? Don't tell me I like like like my female, online best friend... That's ridiculous.

I laughed at myself. Was I actually thinking about having an actual I-wanna-date-you crush on Z? She's a girl, though!

I mean, there's nothing wrong with liking a girl, it's just... Not me. Not at all, I think...

♔

Zach

I read Olivia's texts over and over again.

Ivy : Z!

Ivy : You there bud?

Ivy : Awww. I miss you.

Ivy :  Reply whenever!

Ivy : Please respond baeeeee.

Ivy : I LUV U 2DAY

Ivy : Omg pls I fna.

Ivy : I'm sorry. Are you mad?

She's sorry for what? I'm not mad at her...

Obviously, she thinks so, idiot.

I tried replying to her, but I just erased all the things I've typed.

Z : Sorry. I'm not mad at all. I just need time to think.

Deleted.

Z : I'm the one who should be sorry. I lied to you.

Backspaced everything.

Z : I lied. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not a girl, I'm not a Cube fan. I am part of the Cube.

Nope, that's gone too.

Z : I'm Graser. I'm the guy you fangirl to me about. Graser and Zara are the same person. I'm so sorry.

I groaned. I long pressed the backspace button on my iPhone and tossed it beside me. Shit. What will happen when I meet her?

I called H on Skype to ask for some more advice. Ugh.

"Hey Graser! What do you need me for?"

"I don't know what to do with my fangirl situash..."

"Have you told her about how you're a guy?"

I paused. "No..." That can actually be a good start.

"Maybe you should. Then see if she's understand that."

I nodded, even if he can't see me. "Okay. I'll talk later?"

"Sure. Bye, Gras!"

"Love you."

The call ended then I decided to finally message Olivia some of the truth. I hope she reacts okay...

Z : Hey. I need to tell you something. Please don't be mad.

Ivy : Ok.

Z : You're not mad, are you?

Ivy : Meh. I'm kinda pissed but I missed you.

I sighed. Time to tell her.

Z : So...

Ivy : What did you need to say?

Z : I kinda sorta...

Ivy : You what?

Z : I lied.

Ivy : About what?

Z : A lot.

Ivy : It's probably not a big deal... :)

Z : It kind of is...

Ivy : So what is it?

Z : Promise you'll hear me out?

Ivy : Um... sure.

Ivy : I promise.

Ivy : Cross my heart.

Z : You know how my real name isn't Zara?

Ivy : Yeah...

Z : Well, it's not. Because I...

Ivy : You're killing me here! xD

Z : I'm a guy.

After I hit enter, I turned off my phone's WiFi. I don't wanna know what she replies yet. Maybe tomorrow...

I should sleep. I need to be up early for tomorrow's flight. I forgot. Good thing I packed yesterday.

I'm so excited to meet all the Cube members. I've known them all for so long and not once have I met any of them. I want to meet the fans so bad too. I wish I coulds bring all the fans to the meetup. They all deserve to meet us. They've done so much to my life. 

Especially Olivia.