LOST IDENTITY

Chapter Twenty Nine

TASNEEM

The physical pain I feel is nothing compared to how my heart badly ache. I am letting Uncle Mukarram go before whatever is between us gets more serious than it already is. I have too many scars to last me a life time and I'm not ready to get another one in form of losing him. The night he promised to call, I waited up till 1am and that's when I remembered that I am not Tasneem Marwan anymore but just Tasneem, a bastard whose father is nonexistent in her life and unknown to everyone except her mother who doesn't give a hoot about her and that's it.

I cried so much after making the decision to let go because it's better if I am the one that do it before we become official than listen to him break my heart because he can't marry a bastard which is exactly what I am.

Abba came few days later after the family reunion at Mamma's to inform me that he caught Umma red handed in her room, her matrimonial bed when I was sick with a man and they have been going up and down trying to figure out why she's doing what she did but she didn't relent. Abba said he fears that any of us is his biological child and he's still afraid to take a test because that'll maybe make him lose us all and he can't take that kind of heart break.

I cried like am going to die the next day after he told me about the horrible divorce and that he is going to get married to a nice young widow soon but he want us to give our consent and since am his first and favorite child I am in a better position to give my opinion.

"How can you not be mad at me Abba?  After knowing that I am not your child?  How can you be so kind? "  I cried.

"Because I'm following my guts which tells me you're my daughter Tasneem. Because it wasn't your fault but that of your mother and it will be unfair to punish you for her mistakes. Because I love you too much to even welcome the thought of letting you go. You're Tasneem Marwan and to me you'll forever be that person. My daughter.  "

Can my life be anymore complicated? Honestly I wasn't even sad about the divorce, I just pity my  siblings because they have to adapt being around a new mother figure in their lives. It will even be confusing to Nawal.

"What about Nawal? " I asked.

"She left with her after telling me she isn't my daughter either " Abba replied bitterly.

"Do you believe that? "  I wondered out loud.

" I don't know what to believe anymore Tasneem. I am still praying, handing over my affairs to Allah and by His will everything is going to unravel soon and Binta is going to reap what she had sown" He replied.

I understand where Abba is coming from and how much this must have been hurting him so I kept my pain and worries aside to console him because he deserves to be happy.

" I support your marriage if you think she's going to make you happy and take good care of my siblings. May Allah bless the union and make you the coolness of each other's eyes" I prayed. The grin that spread across his face made me feel so happy and proud for saying that.

"Amin amin. Thank you Mamana may Allah bless your life and make you among the most pious of his servants"

We talked for a long while until Aunty Hadiza came in with dinner and we ate from the same plate. Aunty Hadiza couldn't stop smiling.

" Yaya Marwan I have a request to make" She broke into our conversation.

"Am all ears Hadiza" Abba replied.

"I want you to order Tasneem to stop calling me Aunty Hadiza. I thought she will stop after a while but it's almost three years and she still doesn't consider me as her surrogate mother" She rambled off with a pout glaring at me.