Secrets and Lies: A Girl Broken

Here We Go Again

The next 9 months went by so fast and I hadn't seen or heard from Eric . Until I had our son Juju which was short for Julian. The more time I spent as a single mother the more I wondered if I did the right thing. Don't get me wrong I loved my son but maybe I shouldn't have brought him into this bullshit and as time went by I would soon regret bringing him into this toxic ass situation. But without Julian I had no joy and no reason to continue living. The very first moment I looked in his eyes I fell in love instantly. I tried to send Eric pictures of the baby but the messages wouldn't deliver. This nigga well my dad had blocked me. He blocked me his daughter and the mother of his child. So, I decided to make a fake text app and send the photos. You know what this bitch ass nigga replied " That ain't my baby girl. You a hoe just like your momma" . I couldn't believe it between him beating my ass & school I didn't have time to see anyone else and he knew it. I was so pissed off I texted back and told him I was going tell my mom he was my sons father. I guess that got his attention because he started to call. He was so predictable always running his mouth but deep down he was a bitch ass nigga. He had the nerve to ask could he come see me and Julian. Eric said he just had to wrap his head around things first but he wanted to be in our sons life & like a dumb ass I said yes . I mean he was his father and mine. I won't lie I was praying that he finally would come to his senses and want to see his son. I told him our first night back home he could come over. I knew my mom wouldn't be because she told me she was working a double shift at the hospital that night. On her way out she kissed Juju & said dinner was on the table. I waited about twenty five minutes before I called Eric over. Around 10:30 I heard a  knock at the door. I walked into the living room and placed Julian in his rocker. I opened the door and there he was standing in the doorway. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was high as a kite. I should have closed the door as soon as I saw him but I was still blinded by love. He had the same look he jumped on me & busted my lip. He walked in and before I could turn around he put his hand around my neck and pressed something hard against my stomach. I looked down to see and it was a gun. I started to cry I couldn't believe I fell for his bullshit again. I thought he loved me but I was wrong. He said " You talk too much bitch". I knew this nigga was gonna kill me but I couldn't leave my child. He was my main priority and that meant I had to take care of him. I tried to grab the gun and we began to tassel with it knocking everything over in sight. The books, plates, cups , chairs and the table. All of a sudden I could hear the door opening and boom the gun went off. My mom had decided to come home for what reason I don't know but I wished she hadn't. I dropped down to my knees there was blood every where. My mom screamed out" YAYA WHAT DID YOU DO?. I yelled "PLEASE, PLEASE HELP HIM , HE NEEDS HELP. PLEASE CALL 911 " CALL 911 NOW MOM" DID I KILL HIM MOMMA? DID I KILL HIM" I could feel my blood pressure climbing and my heart was beating through my chest .I ran over  and picked up his life less body up. He was barely breathing and I just knew he was about to die, His blood began to cover my hands. I screamed & pleated with god like lord please don't let my son die on me.